Health-Conscious Potheads Demand Ingredient List From Dealers


(Scottsdale, AZ) Consumers of Marijuana, frequently referred to as “potheads”, have started demanding ingredient lists from their dealers, These demands gained momentum when the new Trader Joes opened and more young adults watched that trendy documentary about the food industry on Netflix. Consumers demand to know what conditions their marijuana is grown under and if any genetically modified ingredients were added.


The lack of ingredient lists produced by the dealers has agitated and worried the consumers. “I take care of myself, you know” one local, misunderstood Barista told our reports. “I don’t want any harmful chemicals in body or in my dank.”


One yoga instructor was horrified to find out her California Kush was in fact not organically raised at a local farm, but grown under an artificial light in a local community college student’s basement. If you can’t trust your weed guy, who can you trust?


These missing ingredient lists have resulted in fewer sales for your friend’s friend from high school. Many have refused to smoke until their concerns are relieved. Some have even resulted to wrapping kale into a blunt out of desperation. Additionally, Taco Bell and Red Eye, Clear Eye sales have drastically gone down, while road rage and anxiety are at an all time high. Although many are unsure of the results of THC, GMOs will result in the zombie apocalypse and should be avoided at all cost.


An unnamed source claimed his products are GMO-free and Gluten-free. Relieved, consumers have tried to track this unnamed seller. Many claims point to the guy with the backpack who hangs out at the boba-tea place after hours. Others claim it is the guy with the longboard who plays Kid Cudi on his iPhone 5s at full volume. Apparently he misplaced his free earbuds and now listens through the phone’s speakers like an animal.


The real story is the consumers who have banded together to address this pressing topic. These ingredients are quite possibly compromising the health of all potheads. “My husband and I only eat organic foods, why should my pot be any different?” Lululemon manager, Becky, told us. “Me and the girls won’t stop until we know our pot is natural and will not affect our health.” Best of luck to Becky and the girls.


Together, the city of Scottsdale’s stoners will stop at nothing to protect their kush at all costs. Or, they might just take a nap. Kind of a coin toss on this one.



This article was written by a good friend of Eritas, Caroline Baniewicz, who has never been to Scottsdale but hears that it is a lovely place for a solar eclipse. Follow her for more greatness on Twitter @CarolineBano.



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