Report: Jeff Banned From Choosing Movies for Friend Group

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(Boise, ID) Another Tuesday night, another movie night. The whole gang was there, Stacy, Mark, Tevin, Josey, Q, and Jeff. What a crew they made. Getting together to diligently watch and discuss movies every week, and not even for a podcast or anything! Lately, they had been on a horror kick and it was Jeff’s turn to choose a film. He had been thinking about it all week and decided to take a risk by picking a movie he had heard about, but hadn’t actually seen himself. Upon the credits rolling, we are told that Jeff was banned permanently from choosing movies for the group and will not be allowed to appeal his case for at least 12 months. Brace yourselves, this one’s a doozy.

 

So, the movie that Jeff chose is something that is roughly translated from its original language of Russian as “The Nightmare.” At first, the gang wasn’t totally convinced, but Jeff reassured them that he had heard good things. Eventually, they gave in and when the opening scene played, they were ready to get into it. And like most horror films, the first thirty minutes or so weren’t too bad. Just a happy little family living in the woods with a daughter who had terrifying nightmares on a regular basis. Nothing crazy.

 

But then, as things are wont to do in a horror flick, everything starts to fly off the rails. First, the nightmares start actually happening. Then, the little girl turns out to be a demon. Sorry, spoilers, but trust me you don’t want to see this thing. Anyways, the only person who survives is the Mom but she’s so tormented by her past that will she ever be OK? Nope, actually, by the time the movie was done, they just didn’t care what happened. They felt changed in a wrong kind of way.

 

The first to speak up was Josey, who always told it like it was. “Hey Jeff, what was that, dude?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, that was not an OK movie to watch as a group. I feel like crawling up in bed for a month. Why are you making me feel this way, Jeff. You can’t have these powers any more.”

 

“What are you saying?”

 

“We decided as a group that if you screwed up one more time that was it. We just can’t trust your judgement. I’m sorry.”

 

Jeff knew deep down that they were right, so he accepted his fate as just the guy who makes popcorn for the rest of the group. At least he could do that much.

 

Fin. 

 

 

 

 

 

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood while he was watching Ghost in the Theater, I mean, Phantom of the Opera. Follow him @NPEllwood.

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