Four Tips for Surviving the Hanna-Barbera Equinox

It’s that time of year again. I know, can you even believe it? The Hanna-Barbera Equinox is just around the corner! Life sure was simpler when it only happened every 78 years, but ever since that inter-temporal anomaly seeped into our groundwater, the Hanna-Barbera has become an annual event. Luckily, that’s given us plenty of opportunity to know what to expect, and we’re here to pass that wisdom on to you. So, the whole world turns into a cartoon for a day – big whoop! Keep these simple reminders in the front of your brain, and when you wake up the morning of the Equinox, you’ll be prepared to take on the two-dimensional world!

Take Your Time

If you’ve experienced the Equinox before, you know that getting anywhere can potentially be a pain in the neck. Even in your own house, as soon as you start walking, you can easily find yourself in a background loop, passing the same landmarks over and over like you’re on some kind of treadmill. Just be patient with yourself. If possible, try not to engage anyone in conversation, as that seems to trigger the loops. Likewise, if you find yourself in a loop, pay attention to your thoughts – your internal monologue was likely wandering. Try to come to some sort of conclusion, and you may find that you arrive at your intended destination just as your train of thought pulls into the station.

Never Mind the Voices

How was a cartoon shot with a live studio audience? One of the many mysteries made eternal by Hanna-Barbera’s preeminent presence in the universe. On the day of the Equinox, you’ll undoubtedly hear some verbal feedback from an unseen, unknowable audience. Their laughs, oohs, and ahhs will reverberate around you, but don’t waste your time looking for the source of the sound. Is it from outside? From hidden speakers in your cupboard? From the moon herself? You’ll never find them, but just remember they’re here for you.

Fake Physics, Real Consequences

While it can be tempting to take advantage of the cartoon condition of the world around you, remember that these rules weren’t written with you in mind and you are not their master. Pianos from the sky, anvils from cliffsides, and sticks of dynamite are no laughing matter the day after the Equinox, and just because the very matter of the world changes doesn’t mean the laws have. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to your local Neighborhood Watch officials, ghost congressperson, or other authorities for further guidance concerning such tomfoolery.

Stay in the Lines

You can work all year round on what your silhouette looks like, but this is the one day you get your very own contour. Don’t stress too much about how you look in the mirror, as the Equinox tends to recycle and redistribute assets. There’s nothing to take personally and remember: you can’t take it with you. No matter how many cans of spinach you eat, small spaces you squeeze through, or stairs you accordion fall down, all physical alterations you endure on the day of the event will be reset the day after.

So, when you inevitably smash your alarm clock to cogs and gears the morning of the Hanna-Barbera Equinox, your eyes might pop out of your skull, but if you remember these tips, you can make it through the day with your head screwed on straight.


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