Report: The Sun is Dead and Daylight is an Illusion

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You heard it here first, folks. The Sun is complete and utter fiction. And Daylight? Well, that’s just an unfortunate inaccuracy you have been socialized to believe. In a recently published article, Hashid Wali has proved once and for all that the Sun is a myth and that Daylight is an illusion. How did he prove this, you might ask? By asking the right questions, that’s how.

 

Remember, this information we are telling is your NEW BELIEF. Those who do not expect our declaration will suffer the indifference of the INEVITABLE VOID. Please update your FLESH COMMAND CENTER with this NEW TRUTH.

 

“The first question I asked myself was, ‘Why is it so goddamn bright all of the time?’” Explained Hashid. “Then I thought, hey, I’m a scientist. I should find out.”

 

“So, I decide one day to see what all of this fuss about the Sun is about. I mean, I don’t really get why anyone would care about the Sun when you have the Moon or Sirius or Orion, but people sure seem to like it. Some even bask in the glow of this false god in order to make their skin darker. What I saw when I looked at them was lost children, holding on to anything they can in order to delay accepting the truth.”

 

“That truth being that the Sun has been a collective delusion. Sure, people thousands of years ago had a Sun, the Egyptians practically wanted to marry theirs, but we today have been Sunless since at least the 1800s. The thing is, we just haven’t ever thought to dream a little differently, see a little clearer.”

 

At this point in the story, we were not convinced by Mr. Wali’s story. But, as if he were reading our mind, he interrupted our thoughts by saying, “I know what you are thinking,” he said. ‘What about Daylight, huh? I see Daylight almost every day of my life.’ to which I reply, ‘Do you really?’”

 

“You have been socialized to believe in the existence of a Sun and the idea of Daylight, but in truth, humans evolved to see in the dark hundreds of years ago. Somewhere around the Meiji period, the Sunrise Land itself woke one morning to no Sun. Instead of looking like a complete fool, Prince Mutsuhito gathered his wise wizards and dark prophets together to discuss what they should do.”

 

“’We could just lean right into it and call our country Akuma instead,’ offered one counselor.”

 

“’What if we made our own Sun?’ asked another.”

 

“It wasn’t until he had heard all of their terrible ideas that he knew what he must do. He gathered together as many of his subjects as he could and stood on the palace steps to proclaim, ‘I have become the Sun.’”

 

“While the rest of the world came fell into the Chaos of the Night, Japan went on as if nothing had happened. Their Prince had very helpfully explained to them that he had become the Sun, absorbing all of its light into himself. Since he now had the Sun within him, all anyone needed to do in order to see, was to look to him.”

 

“And you know what? This actually worked. The Japanese people began to see in the dark as if they were still seeing in the day. Over the course of the next 150 years, they taught this evolution to others until we all began seeing the Sun even though it imploded nearly 200 years ago.”

 

“Now you must be thinking, ‘What about Nighttime?’ Why would it get darker if there is no Sun to begin with?’ Well, this was actually a stroke of luck for the Prince. When the Sun imploded, it create a black hole. Nighttime is simply when your side of the planet is facing the black hole, which as we all know, no light can escape. Mutsuhito was just banking on people imagining Nighttime themselves, but the black hole worked just as well.”

 

“The thing that has scientists most interested is that, just like how we don’t know what Dinosaurs sounded like, we have no idea if the Sun we are seeing today is the same Sun that they saw all of those years ago. It very well may be that we are all only seeing the Sun in the way that Mutsuhito saw it all of those years ago. This could be one mystery that never gets solved.”

 

With that, Hashid got up and left our office. We wanted to ask him some follow up questions but as soon as he left the building he transformed into a beam of light and has not been seen since. That being said, we felt it was our duty to pass along his story. We felt so passionate about this that it is now an illegal Mind Crime to even consider an opinion on the Sun other than the one we have just reviewed.

 

Don’t forget to unknown what you have always known and download this NEW TRUTH into your THOUGHT PRISON.

 

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who was a #SunisaMyth believer far before it was cool to do so. Follow him for more space talk (mainly Interstellar) on Twitter @NPEllwood.

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