(Carlsbad, NM) Ever since Congress made Yellowstone a National Park in 1872, the National Park Service and the parks it oversees have been a vital part of the American tradition. Many road trips have been taken to see the glory of Acadia’s shores or the wonder of Yosemite’s Rainbow Falls in this 101 year tradition. But, there is something that the National Park Service and our greater government agencies are not telling you. There are horrors lying beneath each of America’s National Parks.
We first were told about the massive secret the government has been keeping by Jim White’s own ghost who came upon us under a Midnight Moon. Jim White is well known as the first to discover Carlsbad Caverns while chasing cattle back in 1898. He told us that, while he was glad Carlsbad was now a National Park, he feared what lie below.
“The National Park Service has more than one function,” Ghost Jim went on. “They are also the keepers of the Horrors that lie beneath each of the National Parks. I would know, I was the first to discover one.”
“Back in 1898 when Pothead and myself were making out first exploratory expedition, we knew right away that there was something other than bats living within those caverns. Something bigger. Something deadlier. Something horrible. Within that Absolute Black dwells a colossal wyrm.”
As Ghost Jim said this he walked straight through us, sending a chill down our spines. We were speechless, but it seemed as though Ghost Jim knew what we would have asked. “Have I ever seen the wyrm? Of course I have.”
“My friend Pothead and I were making our third spelunk into the caverns when we heard a great shifting. You might be wondering, ‘How do you hear something shift? Isn’t that kind of a gradual process?’ Before that day I would have asked the same question, but there has not been one night since then that I have not dreamt of that harrowing sound.”
“We looked into the darkness and out of it erupted a sea of bats. This was a bit of surprise, but it was not the first time it had happened. However, after a couple of seconds we watched as an enormous wyrm emerged from the void and swallowed the sea of bats. Before I was able to react, the wyrm turned it’s our attention toward us and lunged for Pothead. To this day I regret that I couldn’t react earlier and save my friend, but I made a choice when I pushed him into that monster’s open maw and I have to live with it.”
“I escaped with my life and ran back into town to tell the story of what happened, but no one believed me. I was Jim White, the Boy Who Cried Hole. I was so frustrated. I decided to hop on my motorcycle and head to El Paso, but just as I was leaving town I was stopped by an undercover police car and thrown into the trunk.”
“The next thing I remember was waking up in a windowless cell. In front of me was an egg and a knife. Not a dinner knife, more the kind of knife you might skin a deer with. Before I could understand what was happening, a person dressed in a dark suit and sunglasses enter the room and pulled up a chair in front of me.”
“Hello Jim,” they said, hiding all emotion behind their sunglasses. “My name is [redacted] with the [redacted] section of the National Park Service.”
“‘What’s that?’ I asked them. You see, this took place 18 years before Woodrow Wilson formally created the NPS, but they have been around for much longer than that.”
“They simply smiled and said ‘Don’t worry about it. Let’s talk about you.'”
“‘You have two choices before you Jim,’ they droned on while picking up the egg. ‘You can be the beginning of something, like this egg. You can be the man who discovered what will go on to become a National Park, you will be a lifelong Park Ranger, and your work will be celebrated for years to come.'”
“Well, I have never thought about being a Pa-”
“‘Or,’ they continued, interrupting me. ‘You can be the end of something.’ They then picked up the knife and chopped the egg expertly into 7 seven thin slices. They then picked them up individually and slowly chewed and swallowed them. I will not say that they ate them because I don’t believe their was any enjoyment or nourishment gathered from the action. I think they merely did it to pass the time.”
“I will tell you right now that I took the egg. By that I mean I worked as a Park Ranger my entire life and never told anyone the secret of what lay below the caverns. However, now that I am dead my debt has been paid and I can tell their secrets.”
“Over my time with the NPS I learned that below each of the National Parks lie monsters and horrors unimaginable to the minds of most Americans. I want to tell you about them all.”
Just as Ghost Jim was about to tell me more, a group of people dressed in dark suits and sunglasses entered the room and carried me away. As I struggled against their collective strength to be free, I saw as Ghost Jim was absorbed into a Soul Chamber.
I woke up back in my bed with a note stabbed with a knife to my door that said “You are hereby banished from New Mexico by order of the NPS.” After much thought, I have decided that I will honor the life and death of Jim White by finding out more about these National Park Horrors and ensuring that Americans are staying safe.
Stay tuned for more. That is, if the NPS doesn’t come for me first.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who doesn’t believe in this wyrm business, but there is definitely a giant ant roaming the Guadalupe hills. More on that later. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.