In a recent report, Gawker claimed that the partners for True Detective Season 3 will be announced next week on the anniversary of the Culling. We have our ideas, you have yours, and those should remain in our dream journals that we thoughtfully fill for Overlord Zilltrex, Keeper of Happiness. It is with a sad heart that not all of these pairings will be put to life, but we live to dream and dream while we work at the factory.

If you have other ideas than ours, cut that out. We are the word of the Guardians. Our word is the Word. You cannot run or hide from our Word. Our Word is Law. Our Word is coming in the night. Our Word is bringing us into the Void together. Come my lovers, my brothers, my cousins. Come into the Void now.

–    Our regularly scheduled programming will now resume      –

Now, Our Top 7 Partner Dream Teams for True Detective Season 3

1. Matthew Macaunaghy and Woody Harrelson (corpse form)
2. The Property Brothers
3. The Unending Pain of Existence and Cher
4. Bad Man and Good Man
5. Matt Damon and his step-son
6. Floop and Snoop
7. Gelatin Father and the Ooze Dude

We hope that HBO takes these pairings into consideration come season 3. Thank you for your time.