(Detroit, MI) As his friends and co-workers gathered around him to sing the beloved song of birthdays, Jason Fuentes knew what Blink-182 had meant when they said that nobody likes you when you are 23. It was barely 2:15pm, the moment of Jason’s birth, and he could already tell that everyone was starting to like him less and less as the minutes went by. Jason had been a Blink fan for almost his entire life and once again, they had blown his mind.
The lyrics of What’s My Age Again rang through Jason’s mind as he cut his cake and sang his song, but his heart wasn’t in it. He knew that the next year of his life was going to be challenging.
On the way home, a strange urge fell over Jason, prompting him to give his girlfriend’s mom a phone call. “Hey Mrs. Johnson, is your refrigerator running?”
“Oh Jason, that’s classic. Why is my fridge running?”
“Because the monster has almost caught it.”
“Um, OK. Thanks Jason. Happy Birthday by the way.”
How did she know it was him? Jason had no idea how he had even made that call, since he has one of those freaks that doesn’t have a phone and his girlfriend’s mother had been missing for 18 months. But it had definitely happened. Jason knew that if he hoped to last even a month of this 23rd year of his, he would have to fight the curse of Blink at every turn.
The next thing that happened still shakes me to my core just writing about it. Only a few minutes after speaking with her (still unsure how), Jason saw Mrs. Johnson heading down the road doing what could only be described as trudging. Slowly, she made her way down the street. As he got closer he saw the trail of blood she was leaving behind her. Just as he was about to ask her what was wrong, she met his eyes and he saw the Fear.
“Run!” she yelled at him. He only understood how serious she was when he saw what had been chasing her.
Barreling down the sidewalk toward them was the most hideous monster Jason had ever seen. It had far too many teeth to count and was moving at an unprecedented speed. Jason had no idea what to do, so he figured he would beat the curse at it’s own game. He called his girlfriend and broke up with her before she could break up with him. Just as the monster was about to devour Mrs. Johnson, it disappeared into a mist and blew away.
Jason knew that this had been a close call, but nonetheless he felt relieved. It was going to be a hard 23, but Jason had a feeling that as long as he leaned into it and really made sure know one liked him, he would be fine.
Jason’s friends and family were just hoping he could get a better job and stop bumming money, but, you know, baby steps.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who bears no resemblance to the man in the story. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.