Local Man Stuck in Fantasy Football League from Now Until the Sun Explodes


(Big Shirt, TN) Monday morning, Dave began his day the way he always did, by checking his emails. Dave had gotten into this habit in college, checking his phone groggily in the mornings, always holding onto hope that class would be cancelled. A small part of him wished that work was cancelled like school used to be, but this did not line up with his reality. Suddenly, upon viewing the first email, Dave was returned back to college again. Only this time he was brought there by an invite to a Fantasy Football league that he was apparently stuck in until the sun explodes.


While pretending to be both heterosexual and masculine in college, Dave had joined a fantasy football league with his friends to try to fit in. However, every year he would forget about the league 3 weeks in and end up at the bottom of the division with a lousy 3-11 record. His friends always teased him for not remembering to play in the league, but they kept inviting Dave back again the following season. Dave had been perplexed about this in college, but 4 years post graduation, he was utterly confounded.


“Why do they keep asking me to play?” Dave thought to himself. “They know I’ll get an auto-drafted team with Eli Manning as quarterback. Like that’s ever going to get me the championship.”


Dave was then thrown into a series of spasms as his body fell to the floor. His pupils dilated to encompass the entirety of his eyes and within the blackness, Dave could see. He could see a vision of a time that had not yet come to pass.


In his vision, Dave saw the end of the universe. Or, more specifically, the end of our universe. Before him, Dave knew was our sun. He did not know why he knew this was our sun, but in his heart he knew it was. The sun was black, having exploded in a fury of fission.


Dave then saw in the vision himself back on earth. He was sitting at his computer. He was checking his email, but only to see that it was yet again an invite to the same fantasy football league. He was about to finally hit decline when he heard a loud screaming. He looked out the window, only to see a hollow sun, dark yet blinding in the afternoon sky. Dave knew what was coming. He had seen all of this in a dream and he was ready. He was finally at peace.


Dave awoke on the floor, unsure of what he had just seen. He pulled himself back up to his computer and hit ‘accept.’ Then, he thought to himself, “The Void is coming, so why not?”






This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who cannot wait for the Void to get here omg. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.


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