As we all known and choose to believe, volcanoes are ruptures in the crust of planetary-mass objects, such as Earth, that allow hot lava, volcanic ash, and gases to escape from a magma chamber below the surface, but what you might not know are these 11 interesting fun facts about them!

1. Volcanoes predate the Revolution
2. The bible verse “Proclaim Fire throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof” is spelled out in bone beneath each volcano.
3. No one knows today when the Volcanoes were cracked.
4. The latest Volcanic crack occurred on Washington’s Birthday
5. Volcanoes explode a lot during their functional lifetimes
6. Volcanoes weren’t the first thing they were called. They were first called Big Holes.
7. No volcanoes exploded on July 4th, 1776.
8. No volcanoes probably exploded on July 8th, 1776 either.
9. Volcanoes like to go on road trips
10. The last time the Volcanoes hit the road was in 1915.
11. Volcanoes are what will end us.

Did it work? Are you distracted from the crushing burden of existence? No?

Well, we tried our best.

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who has heard rumor that there is a secret collective of Lizard Gods and Ghoul Kings that are hiding within the crusts of our volcanoes. What we should do with this information is better left to the scholars. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.