How Do You Want To Die?


It’s something we all think about late at night, when we are on our knees praying to the Cube, about to enter the musical section of the evening. Right as we are about sing the opening notes to “The Rhombus is a lesser god” it hits you hard and you feel that same old existential dread.



Now we all remember the first time we thought about death as something that would happen to us, that’s what Quinceaneras are for. But as the thoughts return night after night, they get old pretty quick. In order to keep it cool and fresh, we want to know how you want to die, that way we can have some new things to think about during the slow parts of “Cubism was our Cross.”



How do you want to die?

  • Murdered by the State for having a foot fetish
  • Eaten by one very hungry grackle
  • Enveloped by an ocean wave
  • Obliterated by the light of the Cube
  • Knife Demon
  • Run over by a dump truck full of squids
  • Eviscerated while riding on a tandem bicycle
  • Rolled over by an over-sized beach ball
  • Gun
  • Sucked into an airplane toilet
  • Groped by a grizzly bear
  • Chopped, pickled, and prepared with onions
  • Stung by the Bee King


Thank you for selecting your preferred way to die. This will be put into consideration and a few lucky winners may even experience exactly what they selected. Don’t worry about the fact that you didn’t select any of these in your head, we know which Death you chose.






This helpful guide was compiled by Nathan Ellwood, with Moko-Titi on the assist. Follow them for more on Twiter @NPEllwood


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