We caught up with 5 Star Rated Lyft Driver Damien Lewis last week to discover his secret to success. We were surprised to find out, the secret is a lot more simple than we thought. Here is a quick snipper from our interview.

 

“So, Damien, you have a perfect rating as a lift driver. What is your secret?”

 

“I keep my damn mouth shut.” Damien said, matter-of-factly. “That’s it.”

 

“What do you mean? Are you saying you never talk to the people you give rides to?”

 

“Yep. I just nod along to what they are saying if they feel like they need to talk, but for the most part people enjoy the quiet. I mean, when you get in a Lyft, do you really care about where your driver is from or what his favorite restaurant is?”

 

“I guess not. But what about if they need to give you directions?”

 

“People will give me directions if they need to, but following a GPS isn’t really that hard. None of that requires me opening my mouth.” As he says this, Damiens phone buzzes on the table. “Oh, hey, I need to cut this interview shut. There’s a boost downtown.”

 

With that, Damien left the Coffee Establishment we had been interviewing him at and hopped in his car. As he drove off, we noticed that he was speaking very literally and had his mouth completely closed. It was completely closed, almost as if it was closed too much. Maybe it was a trick of the lighting but it looked like Damien had somehow begun to swallow his own mouth. In the 4 nights since I had the interview, I have dreamt of nothing but that face. The horrible image of it burned into my mind. Oh God, what an awful world you have given to us.

 

 

 

 

 

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who will be okay. You know, eventually. Just like all of us. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.