(Bainbridge, WA) In a recent study published by the Seattle Association for Women (or S.A.W. for short), it was found that the best interaction with a man, at least for the sake of the woman, that she can have is none. Any other situation, be it a moment or a lifetime, is nothing but detrimental to the health and overall well-being of the woman. The report went on to encourage women to “leave all this behind.” We are not sure exactly what this means, but we believe that this might only be the beginning.

The report went on to lay out the different outcomes of different interactions with men. Most were terrible as you might expect. Some short, but lasting in their damage. The most surprising of all was just how many “nice guys” showed up in the more awful categories. I mean, they were just so “nice.”

On the other end of the scale were a few standouts, but still none tipped back over onto the positive side. Even men who barely made an impression on the women they interacted with did not make the life of the woman better. Just, ever so slightly worse. When I first heard this I couldn’t believe it, but the data backs up their hypothesis. This is groundbreaking.

Wait, no it’s not. Women have been saying this for forever and people are just now figuring it out. But still, it’s looking grim out there fellas. Looks like all we need to do is respect women and treat them like human beings.

Oh wait, that’s it? Huh. Well, how could we possibly mess this up?

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who wants to live in the Blade Runner universe just for the cool coats. Follow him for more fashion advice on Twitter @NPEllwood.