Oh no! French sounds! The world is ending! Normally, when I use these phrases, I am talking about the latest faux pas at an awards show, but today we mean the world might quite literally be ending. Instead of going the usual, if problematic route of nominating 5 men for best director at the Golden Globes, they have nominated 5 forgotten gods and zero women. An outrage! A betrayal! Our very own Ides of March! We will not rest until those responsible for the Golden Globes vote are brought to justice, this we swear.
It seems to me that in the time that we live, a time in which we honor forgotten gods, I cannot believe that we still don’t acknowledge women. First of all, we only learned about the forgotten gods a few decades ago, meanwhile we have known about women since forever. Also, forgotten gods are not very good directors. I’m sorry, this may be a controversial opinion, but they are just bad. It’s not subjective, it’s objective.
So, how have we gotten here? It certainly wasn’t with Uutthooks’s poor excuse for a movie, Remember the Trout, that’s for sure. When women are out there like Greta Gerwig and Mary Harron, why would you ever give the honor of an award to anyone who thinks that florescent light means they deserve an Oscar?
And I’ll tell you something else, I wasn’t impressed with The Vast One’s Anderson Cooper biopic and don’t think it deserves the nomination. For one, Ava Duvernay and Lucy Aniello exist. But more importantly, why did you think that a 25-minute uninterrupted shot of a cup of coffee would add anything to your movie other than people falling asleep? Although the dialogue had me snoozing well before then, this was downright offense to cinema.
Lastly, I will just say, I am disappointed. I should have known better than to trust an organization that has let Ricky Gervais host their show 4 times, but I digress. The real loss in this story is not that women are being shut out yet again, but how many women have been lost to the ages due to these forgotten gods. For all we know, the forbidden gods are what put women in this position in the first place.
No, I’m sorry I said that. I know the forgotten gods are not from our timeline and can’t be blamed for past histories, but I am still adjusting to them, as are we all. All that I know is that women have as much to offer the world as the forgottenen gods and I will not rest until that is acknowledged. The end.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who has a few forgotten god friends, but they are pretty solitary, so we don’t hang out much. Follow him for more unknowable trusts on Twitter @NPEllwood.