(Manhattan, NY) In today’s edition of Weird, or Hip New Fashion? we examine the life of local pottery teacher and dental enthusiast, Bedilia Chernobyl. Our attention was first brought to Bedilia when she posted a picture on Instagram of her brushing her teeth with the caption ‘Never going back!’ Ever since, the world has been marveled by Chernobyl’s dedication to never stop brushing her teeth. Obviously, she does sleep, but according to the artist’s blog, only for one hour a night. “Now that I am always brushing my teeth, I have no need for more than an hour of sleep. I am experiencing unilateral bliss.” What do you think, readers, Weird, or Hip New Fashion?

 

For a little more background on Bedilia and her methods, we go to an interview performed with her last week with the Daily Wreckage.

 

Interviewer: Bedilia, thank you for sitting down with us today. 

 

Bedilia: Of course, Brenchen. It’s a pleasure to be here. 

 

I: Now, I think the question – the question on everyone’s minds is – why dirt?

 

B: I think if you have to ask that question, you don’t truly understand my art. 

 

I: No, no, I get it. Trust me. I just mean, for the message that you are trying to convey – one that I totally get and understand – is there a specific reason for choosing dirt to brush your teeth with instead of some other substance?

 

B: Oh, I see. You want a look behind the curtain, huh? Well, I’m feeling generous today so let me tell you. I first started off with tar, but this proved to be too expensive and messy of a material for my tastes. Plus, once you get used to the taste of tar, that initial fascination fades and is replaced by the grinding gears of death. I next tried toothpaste, but I consider myself a serious artist and this seemed to on the nose. Next, I tried cement, but I don’t really remember the results. All my head screams at me when I think of those times is BAD. Finally, I settled on dirt, because we are all dirt. And by that, I mean we are all nothing. That’s what I have discovered, by nothing matters. Not sleep, not work, not even the idea of art, which is why now, I don’t sleep. I want to get lost in the nothingness. The void of it all. Also, dirt is like, everywhere so it costs nothing for me to continue this art project indefinitely. That was a major factor. 

 

We spoke with the interviewer Brenchen about what it was like to be in the presence of such an elite artist. “Like, I get the idea of what she is doing,” Brenchen told us. “But I just couldn’t get over the sound.”

 

What Brenchen was referring to is the grinding of dirt against exposed bone, the rotting of gums, the nothingness of dirt that somehow has a sound. This is constant and one never gets used to the sound because it is always changing, and yet when thinking back on it, one cannot remember anything but the crunch of it.

 

But I guess that’s what it takes to be an artist. Anyway, if you see Bedilia Chernobyl wandering the streets, please avoid her. We have decided that this not a hip new fashion, but instead, just weird.

 

Just like we like it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who loves dirt because that’s where the worms are. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.