This has by far been the most poor user experience I’ve ever seen in a hellscape. I mean, who A/B tested this Pit of Vile Slush? The tar is lukewarm and I can still move my feet. Am I supposed to be screaming in agony or getting a mud bath? The icy rain that is supposed to plague me throughout my time here is lukewarm, too. I’m essentially in a spa.

The branding is all over the place. Eggshell yellow doesn’t exactly scream “nightmares and trauma reverberating throughout time” to you, does it? And this teal it’s paired with? Teal is for CHILDREN’S GYMS, you cretins! Get your aesthetic together.

Virgil just showed me the chambers of iron spikes and they haven’t been in use since the Mesozoic Era. The stabbing points coming up from the floor aren’t even sharp anymore. I was promised an eternity of misery and I want my misery, damn it.

And who prototyped the suicide trees with the harpies? A harpy breaks one wing and it’s down for the count and DEAD. And there’s only three for a whole forest of millennials!

The usability sucks, Charon won’t even ferry me to my correct circle of hell.

If I could rate this hellscape 0 stars, I would.

This article was written by Veronica Nelson, who has been to a few different hellscapes in her time, so she knows what she is talking about.