(San Diego, CA) We take you now to a story that is still developing. According to the latest updates posted to the communal discussion on Reddit.com, user JudgementDay47 has been at it again. In this most recent rant, this gold-level member has waged war on what he has called “an attack on the second,” going so far as to say “from where I’m sitting, knowing a thing or two about psychology, I think this whole situation is blown out of proportion.” Again, we must inform you that this Reddit user has done no more than read the Wikipedia article on psychology. He has no formal training and should probably be ignored. That being said, we continue on.
He further went on to claim that in his “studies” he learned about a thing called the “unconscious mind.” According to him, this unconscious mind craves nothing more than the firepower of a fully loaded assault rifle, something that apparently god understands and has ordained upon us for some greater purpose. What fun!
This is where things really take a turn off the rails. This man continues to type angrily into his keyboard that unless we appease our unconscious minds we will forever feel the hole left within us. It’s all pretty bad as far as political stances go, but poetically I think it could work with some tweaks. Regardless, there is now a group of Redditors who follow JudgementDay47 and his inane theories. They have positioned him as their leader and will likely not be affected in any way when this whole thing goes sour.
That’s probably the biggest thing that crinkles my jimmies. No one actually knows who these people are. In all likelihood, they are bots invented by some sort of malicious software that has gone rogue. I’ve seen Goosebumps, this sort of thing happens all of the time. If only we knew where they were coming from, we might have a chance.
Wait a minute. It seems as if all of these internet dweebs go to Wikipedia for their information. There must be a way to hack into the central mainframe and figure out their identity. Hold on, I’m busting in.
I’m in. Wow, this hacking stuff is easy.
Oh no. It seems that it was me who was Booboo the Fool. The IP address is coming from in the house!
I gotta talk with my dad about this. Who knew he had such odd opinions on psychology and guns. Or that he knew had Reddit works.
What a Tuesday.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who would like to sleep in a big cocoon sometime. That sounds nice. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.