Area Man Slowly Realizes He is Living Double Life Through TimeHop Updates

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Listen, the first thing you need to know about me is I post what I want to post, talk some smack, and then I log off and live my damn life. I don’t have time to get caught up in social media and for the majority of my life I have avoided it. That’s the first thing you need to know. The next is that I have recently taken a position that requires me to post pictures online more often. For the last 5 years, my life has been documented online, but I never stuck around to see what happened next. It wasn’t until I needed to review something on my feed that I saw something called TimeHop on my profile. I began to scroll through images from the last 5 years. Some of them were in my memory, others were brand new.

 

Was I leading a double life? Where had all of these ‘memories’ come from? Well, being an international spy does have some benefits, namely I can check any bank account in the world to review the user’s history. I love reviewing things. I went into my own checking account through a hidden server on the dark web and looked at my history on the exact day last year when the pictures were taken. What I discovered was haunting.

 

On that day 5 years ago, I did something very me. I bought three movie tickets to various theaters to see the same movie. It was Pacific Rim and I didn’t want anyone to know I was seeing it that many times. It was a different time. But then, 4 years ago, I bought something very not me. I went to a spa day all day, which sounds absolutely terrible, and then I posted about it on Facebook? Who in the hell was controlling my body?

 

3 years ago, another classic me. I went go-karting all day at a local track with my cousin. We wrecked three cars and ended up running up quite a bill in the laser tag fun zone, which I remember very clearly. However, 2 years ago and 1 year ago I went to the same restaurant and spent an exorbitant amount of money on wine with a man who has appeared in multiple pictures on my timeline, but who I don’t recognize at all. Who was I when I was with him? I don’t know if it was me.

 

The more I think about this, the more I get freaked out. If you happen to see me out on the street, come up and talk to me. Hopefully the other me doesn’t know about this blog. Yes I am serious.

 

Thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who loves to TimeHop, get it? Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.

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