A number of reputable sources have reported that American actors Christian Slater and Jason Marsden will proceed forward with a cutting-edge experiment meant to combine the mind, body, and soul of two select beings.

The experiment will be performed by Fleeting Spirits LLC, a company that once specialized in elderly entertainment which resulted in such blunders as Roller Coaster 3: There’s No Going Home. In several public statements, they have assured concerned humanitarian organizations that this has nothing to do with “playing god,” and that this is instead a private ordeal as well as a new opportunity to increase each participant’s quality of life.

The reason behind their involvement: “We’ve had enough of the confusion. First, it was our fans, then our friends, and eventually our family. At some point, the public refused to learn what makes us different and now assumes our facial features and voices are one in the same,” Christian cried out at paparazzi earlier today.

“Yeah. It’s like, screw it!” Jason agreed as the two retreated inside of Fleeting Spirits headquarters.

As evidenced by the trending hashtags #AVeryExtremelyGoofyMovie and #ProtectJasonDean, we have reason to believe this decision will increase Christian Slater and Jason Marsden’s fame twofold.

This article was written by Holly Ratcliff who can’t wait for Slater-Marsden to reprise their role as Kovu from The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride. Holly studied poetry at Texas State University. Her literary research is available through the Texas State Undergraduate Research Journal: “‘Too much water hast thou, poor Ophelia’: An Object-Oriented Reading of Hamlet.” Twitter/Instagram: @HollytheHare