Donald Trump Opens Up About Cutting His Own Hair


Nearly as iconic as the man himself, Donald Trump‘s hair style and color is perhaps even more recognizable and associated with the current president than his business empire. There has been much speculation as to how the billionaire president came to have his one-of-a-kind hair. In a recent interview, Trump spared no details as he divulged the history of his golden locks.


“Everybody loves my hair. Everybody wants to have my hair. Everybody wishes they had hair of gold such as mine. Anyone who says differently is a liar, and the most jealous kind of person.”


“Yes, I cut my own hair. That is true. I do. I have for a long time.”


When asked why a man with so many obligations and resources at his disposal would choose to cut his own hair, the president continued.


“My family didn’t always have money. We didn’t. I am the American dream. But my grandfather was a barber. That was his job. And that was how he made his living. That is how he had the money to come to America, where he became successful in business, and then my father became more successful than him, and I became more successful than my father.”


“But I didn’t always cut my own hair. When I first started in business, while I was making my first billion dollars, I didn’t have time to cut my own hair. But then I got to the point where I was so successful, I was no longer having to work so hard to make all my money. My money was making money. And other people were making money for me. So I thought back to my grandfather, and decided that I can do that too. So I started cutting my own hair.”


Clearly money is no object for Trump. He could pay $1,000 every two weeks to have his hair cut and not bat an eye. But what about the time commitment to perform his own grooming? Couldn’t that time be put to better use some other way?


“No”, Trump explained, “I have people cook my food, clean my clothes, parent my children, and clip my toenails. This is for me to do. Who would I trust more than me? The Bible is very specific about the importance of a man’s hair. Besides, I still have plenty of time to play golf.”


However, when asked if he expects Donald Jr., Eric, or Barron to cut their own hair, he bristled at the question, seemingly displeased with the idea of them doing anything for themselves, and like his hair, cut off the interview at an unfortunate ending.






This was written by Peter Ellwood, the one and only. Follow him @FutureGM.


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