Report: I Am Unaware of My Own Impending Doom

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Do you ever have one of those days / weeks / months where everything is just going swimmingly? For one reason or another, everything is coming up YOU and the world is your oyster? To the point where, after such a long streak of positives, you can hardly imagine something different, something worse? And then, just when it seems like nothing will ever make you feel bad again, you lose track of yourself and become oblivious to what everyone else in your life can so obviously see is coming? Well I am here to tell you that I just described myself and although I may not be totally self-aware, I’m also completely unaware of my own impending doom.

 

Yes, read that back. I don’t think you got it right the first time. Trust me, I didn’t. Yes, what I am saying is that although doom is ultimately coming and even by me writing this it would seem that I understand what that means, I truly, truly do not and will not until it is already too late. Don’t tell me how I know this, just trust that I know myself enough to at least get this right.

 

So what does someone like me do in a situation like this? Please tell me. I’ve been living my entire life in a bubble filled to the brim with ignorant bliss and you know what? I loved it. I miss my bubble. Now that I have the inkling of a shadow of an idea that doom might be coming, I don’t know how to handle it. Could you imagine if I pushed myself further and actually dealt with the reality that doom is apparent? I might literally explode.

 

And then what if I start to have different ideas about what ‘doom’ could even mean. That’s so vague! I could mean an earthquake, it could mean a car wreck, it could be as small as not getting an extra piece of sushi in my next Japanese dining experience. I wouldn’t be able to rule anything out because so far my life has been completely doomless.

 

Maybe that’s why I am so obsessed with this. Oh no, I can’t think about this more. I want to remain unaware. I want to remain ignorant, why can’t I just do that? I am so sick of people being ‘woke’ and ‘opening up their third eye.’ Third Eye Blind is how I want to be.

 

Not the band, but also yes the band. Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo, you know?

 

 

 

 

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who is living a semi-charmed life, baby. Follow him @NPEllwood.

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