‘No One Visits Me Anymore’ by the First Drive Thru Window


(San Antonio, TX) Alas, I am afraid my glory days are behind me. Hello, it’s me, your old friend, the first window at the drive thru, the one you never visit anymore. You may have thought that I wouldn’t miss you, but you would be wrong. Our time together may have been short, but I always cherished those moments. Sure, I wasn’t the one giving you food, I was just where you would pay, but I thought that meant something. Now, no one comes to see me anymore and honestly I’m getting quite lonely. What do I need to do to get back on your good side?


Seriously, I’ll try anything. Would you come visit me if I gave you bonus rewards on your loyalty app? I heard from another First Window at Starbucks that she got repurposed for that and although it was never truly the same, at least she felt useful. Meanwhile, I’m stuck over here looking like a schmuck with my tail between my legs.


What about if I had a funny message or advertisement on my window, would you stop then? If it works, I’m down. I mean, sure it’s kind of degrading to use what your manufacturer gave you just to sell a product, but what am I if not a cog in a capitalist machine? I mean, aren’t we all?


No wait, I think I’ve got it. What if we just switched the windows. Yeah yeah, then, if you needed extra condiments or something you could pick them up from some kind of tray that could be set on the second window. I don’t know about you, but that definitely sounds like a better solution than our current relationship.


The point is I miss you. I miss us. I never thought that this cat and mouse game that we started would end. I always assumed that the First Windows of the world would be relevant, what cause would I have to think differently?


My therapist tells me this is an opportunity for growth, but I’m sick of growing and evolving. Sometimes things are perfect the first time around. It’s rare, but it happens. Like this thing we have. Don’t let it go to waste.




This was written by Nathan Ellwood, who once got trapped in a fast food drive thru for 26 days. What a nightmare. Follow him.


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