In most neighborhoods in America, there is one day every couple of months when the trash company of your choosing will come by and take away any larger pieces of trash that you might need to get rid of. We call it Bulk Pickup Day and in some communities it is celebrated in the same fashion as Christmas and the Fourth of July. For us, we enjoy seeing this small glimpse into the lives of our neighbors. Everyone has something big to get rid of, but it’s never what you expect. In fact, some of these examples are downright disturbing.

 

Here they are.

 

Hi! First time writer, long time reader. We had our Bulk Pickup Day a couple of weeks ago and I noticed some people getting rid of the most bizarre stuff. My elderly neighbor Ms. Sizemore had a Bowflex on her lawn for crying out loud. I was going to get rid of my own, but then that would seem like she was leading the charge and I can’t take a chance when it comes to losing city council clout. I just won’t have it. 

 

Salutations. My name is Kent Ferrrri and we just had our Bulk Pickup celebration this last weekend. I was so excited to teach my daughters the intricate rituals of the celebration, show them exactly where to place each piece of junk for maximum efficiency, all of that. Only, when I walked outside to see who had gotten an early start on the festivities, I was met with multiple tanning booths, workout equipment, and Bowflex machines. I can’t have my girls seeing that. Instead, I bought them a new puzzle and we stayed inside for the day. It was nice. 

 

All I am going say is this: I had no idea how many of my neighbors hunted. It’s all of them. I’m scared. 

 

Growing up, Bulk Pickup Day used to bring me so much joy and delight, it was always my favorite time of year. However, as I grew up and went to college, Bulk Pickup was less widely celebrated in my town and traditions began to fall to the wayside. In fact, nowadays I hardly even remember the Sacrament of Goliath and for this I am deeply ashamed. I guess it is true what they say about growing up and holidays. They’re never really quite the same. 

 

I’m just glad to finally have that casket out of my house. It was taking up so. much. space. This might be the only city service I actually enjoy or care about. I mean, how else was I going to get rid of that thing? It was huge. You could fit a giant in there. I mean, hypothetically. I’ve said too much. 

 

Hope all of you at home have a great Bulk Pickup Day the next time you are lucky enough to be blessed by it’s coming.

 

 

 

 

This was penned by the Man from Ireland. You can find him in the bogs, the bogs and the billabongs.