Coming in hot with another classic Opinion™ delivering straight to your computer through your local internet service provider. As you have likely already seen from the headline, this opinion may not seem at all spicy on the surface, but in truth might be the most controversial thing we have ever published. Yes, it’s true, we believe that all memes should be of celebrities. Don’t worry, we will explain ourselves, but before you start trying to rationalize this, understand that nothing about celebrity is rational or thought-out. It is all sheer dumb luck and we deserve to recognize this by making all celebrities into a public good. Or, more accurately, a public meme.
Every single day, against our will, we are subjected to the lives of celebrities and all of their silly games. We get to watch them do things they only used to do in their living room on Jimmy Fallon. They literally are taking something that used to be fun and intimate to them and bastardizing it into something that can be dispensed to all of America in nice little sippy cups. I’m simply proposing that we do the same thing to them.
Now, the nay-sayer in you is likely going to point out that we already have celebrity memes, which we will acknowledge. However, our plan is for all memes, regardless of popularity and longevity, be made of celebrities, either from performances in films or other photographed events. Trust us, enough pictures have been taken of them to fill a thousand football fields. We’ll have more than enough material.
But what about all those up and coming memers, looking to make it big? Listen, we all know that the people in those memes have had exceptionally better lives due to their memedom, but trust me, almost all of them would do it differently if they had the option. No one truly wants to be a meme. All you get is the weirdest possible people recognizing you. Since this is something celebrities already deal with, this shouldn’t be that much different for them.
If you think my idea is awesome, which it is, please visit Change.org to sign our petition to make sure that the government does everything in it’s power to declassify celebrities and abolish copyright law. Together, we can live in a boundless state of nothingness. I’m certain of it.