Opinion: If Elizabeth Warren Actually Called Me to Thank Me for My Donation, I Would Have a Panic Attack


With three primaries done and 47 more to go, the Democratic contest is both anyone’s game and no one’s according to major news pundits. However, for some of us, we still hold onto the hope that our choice of nominee is going to break away from the pack and be the person to take on Donald Trump in November. Some of us contribute where we can, either with our money or our time. Personally, I have given to multiple candidates that represent me and my beliefs, one of those candidates being Elizabeth Warren. Unfortunately, what I didn’t realize when I made my donation was that there was a possibility she would call me to thank me personally.


Let me say this right now: If Elizabeth Warren called me out of the blue to thank me for my donation, I would absolutely have a full-blown panic attack.


Here’s exactly how I see that situation unfolding.


Me: *brrrrng, brrrrrrng* Uh. Hello?


EW: Hi there, it’s me, Elizabeth Warren. I just wanted to call you to say thank you for your donation. You know, it’s people like you who make this campaign run. 


Me: Uhhhhhhhh. 


EW: This is Kevin, right? Forgive me if I have the wrong number, but this was what you provided when you made your donation. Let me tell you, we’re not out of this fight yet and with your support, we’re going to take on Trump and corruption in Washington. We’re going to break up the big banks and monopolies, we’re going to tax the billionaires, and we’re going to make the government work for you, not the top 1%. 


Me: *screams internally, but makes no audible noise*


EW: We’re having a rally in your area soon and I’d love to see you out there. I’ve got to get going to call some other supporters, but your support truly means the world to me and my team. I look forward to working for you, not corporate interests.


Me: *passes out, having forgotten to breath*


EW: OK, bye now! 


So, yeah, that’s how I think that would go. I’m not saying she should stop this practice, all I am saying is that personally I want to support her campaign without feeling the mounting anxiety of maybe having to speak with her on the phone. And if she wants to appeal to more millennials and gen z kids, this is something she might want to consider.


If my name gets chosen, just text me, OK? It will be better for both of us.


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