Existential Dread is So Hot Right Now


If you’re like me, you have probably spent more time in your bed than usual the last few weeks. Turns out, this is a common thread, with more Americans than ever staying up late lying in bed or waking up early and staying in bed. For awhile, people thought this might have to do with the moon or potentially some other planetary force, but recent reports indicate it’s something much more close to home. “If this analysis is correct, there has been nearly a 1000% percent increase in existential dread all across the country,” explained one specialist familiar with the subject. “This is unprecedented.”


What is existential dread? Existential dread is anxiety, anguish or a negative feeling arising from the experience of human freedom and responsibility. Basically, it’s just part of being human but a bunch of people in the 40s were like “Whoa, does anyone else feel like this?” so they got to coin the term.


In your day to day life, however, existential dread will likely look more like staring at the ceiling until you are so exhausted you fall asleep and sometimes zoning out so hard that you miss your bus stop. But this is only every once in awhile for most of us, so what could have caused this massive jump in dread?


Hmm, what could it be? I have no idea.


Ha, JK y’all, it’s obviously the fact that Cats is coming out on DVD this week. I mean, personally I’ve been logging some serious dread hours just knowing it’s going to show up on my Hulu watchlist any day now. God, even the thought of it makes me sick.


I mean sure, we can’t blame everything on Cats, but shouldn’t we? If 2020 needs anything, it’s a scapegoat. I say from here on we blame all of our problems on the Cats movie until something worse for society happens.


And next time you’re experiencing existential dread, think to yourself, “Wow, thousands of people are feeling this right now. Maybe I’m not so alone.” Ultimately you are, but the thought will make you feel better.


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