Are you ready for some hot goss, told in the language of our forefathers? Well good, because boy do we have a story to tell you. You see, a little over a decade ago, David Fincher had the hair-brained idea to make a movie about the founding of Facebook. In order to tell this story, Fincher cast Jessie Eisenberg to play Mark Zuckerberg, Andrew Garfield to play Eduardo Saverin, and Armie Hammer (singular) to play the Winklevoss twins (plural). Being such a perfectionist, the renowned director of Fight Club made an unusual decision. “I shall clone Armie Hammer!” Fincher declared. The following is what took place next.

It all started when Mr. Hammer himself walked into the casting call wearing a yellow scarf. “I knew right away I had to have him,” Fincher would later explain. “For the part I mean. Armie just oozed that sort of unearned confidence I needed for the Winklevoss twins. If it meant taking our world to the edge of scientific expedition in the process, so be it.”

That’s right. Instead of simply having Hammer play both roles and fix it later in post, Fincher called the studio and told them that unless they would fund the creation of an Armie Hammer clone for the movie he would walk. A few weeks later, his wish came true as both Hammers walked into the room ready to start filming. You could tell that the entire thing was uncomfortable to the cast, but they kept their mouths shut because, I mean, what an opportunity.

As filming went on, the more the clone and Fincher began to hang out. Or was he just becoming good friends with Armie Hammer? That’s still up for debate, but regardless, after the first few weeks it was obvious that the clone was here to stay. “What were we going to do, put him down after filming was over? No way. I had big plans for Armie 2.”

Big plans indeed. According to emails obtained from within Columbia Pictures, Fincher was dead set on using the clone for all sorts of upcoming projects. Unfortunately, that was their plan too and they realized they would have to act quick in order to secure the bag.

Just as cut was called on the final day of shooting for Armie and Armie 2, a group of men in dark suits came flying onto the set with guns drawn. They put a black bag over Armie 2’s head and took him away, never to be seen again. However, the details of this are still hotly debated.

Was it really Armie 2 that was taken or the original? Did the production company get their silver bullet or is Armie Hammer just having a great career? What has he been in lately? Does it even matter?

Our theory is, in our opinion, the only one that makes sense. Fincher staged the entire thing to make sure that no one would go looking for the clone ever again. Well played, David. Well played.