(Boca Chica, TX) For those of you who don’t suffer from internet brain poisoning, you might not have heard that last week Claire Elise Boucher, known popularly as Grimes, brought her first child into the world on May the 4th. Her child’s name, given to him by his loving mother, is X Æ A-12 (pending, due to California naming law). Yes, you read that correctly. However, after all the stress of carrying a child and dealing with the fame of being a dream pop icon, the 32-year-old decided to jet off for the weekend and spend her first mother’s day on Mars.

 

And we have all the hot deets in an Eritas Daily exclusive interview. That’s right, baby, we did it!

 

Eritas Daily Correspondent: Hello Ms. Grimes, welcome back to Earth. Sorry you had to land in Texas, but what are you going to do.

 

Grimes: Texas is great, what are you talking about.

 

EDC: Sure, of course. Do you want to take a seat? We set up some chairs and a table with a selection of liquids.

 

Grimes: Yes, liquids. I remember those. No, I think I’ll stand. Too much time in space is not good for you and I need to get my blood flowing. Plus, I was artificially suspended for like half of it, so who knows what that has done to my bodily processes.

 

EDC: So how was Mars, I mean, if we’re allowed to talk about that? We don’t really have lawyers so when yours was telling me stuff I just kind of zoned out.

 

Grimes: My lawyers don’t control me, I do. Me and the millions of digital copies of myself I have streaming through my brain at all times do. But yes, I went to Mars. I know it’s quite gauche of me, but I just had to get away. I have always had a special place in my heart for Mars.

 

EDC: How did you there so quickly? I’m not questioning the rest of it, but what a fast turnaround.

 

Grimes: Oh, I’ve been gone for centuries. I’m choosing to come back right now and do this interview because of something I learned about the future and I must come here to make that future I saw happen.

 

EDC: What do you have to do?

 

Grimes: I guess I’ve done it already, but since I know people will ask, I had a wonderful mother’s day and I’m so much happier now that I exist outside of time. I’m gonna leave now if that’s cool, I think I’ve done what needs to be done.

 

With that, the musician disappeared in a cloud of pink mist and we were left to clean up like a pair of schmucks.