In the world of startups, there is nothing if not a large vocabulary of words made up by people in the industry to confuse everyone else. Even the word startup falls into this category, as until 1976, people just had to call small scrappy companies ‘getters.’ It wasn’t until Orville Startup launched his knife-sharpening company in ’76 that more people started to use the term. One such term we want to discuss today is ‘stand-up,’ which often refers to a daily meeting where everyone on a team goes over their day, what they plan to accomplish, and what they need from the rest of the team.

However, now that everyone is at home and can’t stand up at their desks like the term implies, we need to rethink the entire concept. Which is why we are going to teach you how to turn your stand-up into a sit-down. Half as efficient, twice as effective.

The first thing you will need to do is make sure that your entire team is familiar with the concept of sitting down. For the more active members of your group this may prove difficult, but understanding sitting is vital to create an environment where you meetings can be successful. Have your team perform a few practice sits before the meeting starts so that everyone is prepared for the initial sit-down.

Next, you will want to invest in a good chair and encourage your team to do the same. While this might be difficult during these financially uneasy times, consider offering a stipend to each employee so that they can choose the optimal seat for these meetings. Considering we don’t know how long this thing will last, consider this an investment in your company’s future.

Thirdly, and this is a tricky one, but you need to cast standing in a bad light. Unless people have an adverse reaction to standing, how will they ever give it up? Our hope is that by the end of this, your team will hate standing with a passion and only begin to experience joy when standing after you tell them they can again. Unless you can instill this fear in them, they will never have the discipline to resist standing at your first meeting. And then the entire thing comes crashing down.

Finally, since this is a new thing, please send us any follow-up feedback you might have regarding our methods. Please keep in mind they have never been tested and may result in serious harm to you and your staff. But if it makes you feel any better, you’ve probably been conducting sit-downs for a long time now and we’re only now shedding light on that fact. So, you know, you’re welcome.