Hello citizen and good evening. We are issuing a Neighborhood Watch report for the entire tristate area in response to reports we have been receiving regarding rumblings of unknown origins occurring on Thursday evenings at regular intervals. We urge the upmost caution in regards to these reports until we can learn more. All that we know as of this publishing is that each Thursday evening from around the city we getting numerous calls, emails, and carrier pigeons sent to us describing loud rumblings coming from outside residences and scaring neighbors out of their wits. In order to give you the full picture, we have compiled these various descriptions so you can fully understand what we are dealing with.


This first report came in from our friend Dusty Harrison who lives in the first district, now operated by the Dunkin’ Donuts corporation. “It usually starts around 8pm, sometimes later, but I usually hear it start at 8. Something rumbles down the road, it sounds like a tank or other large vehicle, but when I look outside, nothing is there. I’ve even tried setting a timer to catch whatever it is in the act, but nothing again. I’m now even more worried to go inside than I usually am.”


Now, Dusty usually lets his imagination run away with him, so we didn’t take heed of this report until another one arrived just a few minutes later from the opposite side of town. This one was from an unknown sender, but had a wax stamp of a skull on the outside of the letter. “Hello, to whomever this is supposed end up with. I assume you. There was something tumbling down my street this evening and it made quite an awful racket. I looked outside, but all I saw was the regularly scheduled meeting of the neighborhood cats and they are usually quiet and respectful. Has anyone else heard of this? It’s becoming something of a worry.”


This was when we began to take this threat seriously and start actively reaching out to different districts to hear if the same thing was happening. As we heard back from each of them, they all reported the sound of rumblings around 8 or 9 pm, each with slight variations in the story. Some saw a neighbor outside just after the sound occurred. Others say that they thought they saw some sort of animal moving quickly in the shadows, but on second glance, they might have been mistaken.


It was this final report from Jesika Hawley that lead us to issue this bulletin, realizing the widespread extent of this event. “Hey, don’t have much time, but there is something happening outside. I don’t know what it is, but something tells me it is alive. It is making these incredible sounds just outside and I’m so afraid to look at it, but I hear it coming closer. Please tell everyone to stay inside, I made the mistake of trying to escape and now I think I’ve sealed my fate. Godspeed, fellow citizens. Hide while you can.”


So, until this whole situation is sorted out, please stay inside and try your best to be as silent as possible.