When the Purge was implemented, we all expected to see some economic effects: increased stock in weapons manufacturers, home security providers, and off-season Halloween masks, for instance. But many of us were taken off guard by the huge boom in ridesharing that the Purge brought about. It turns out, even on the night of the Purge, people got places to be. Namely, they gotta get to those sweet, sweet Purge sites. And, surprisingly, drivers from rideshare providers like Uber, Lyft, and Beep! Beep! Comin’ Thru have one of the highest survival rates among civilians who are outside their homes on Purge Night. And when drivers get paid anywhere from 1200% to 2000% more for driving on Purge Night, who could blame you for wanting to buckle up and get a slice of that pie?
Purgers report that ridesharing gives them space to wind down between purging destinations, and a clean car can provide a much-needed mental respite from the sight of endless viscera and chaos of late capitalism. But what can a rideshare driver do to catch their breath on the most stressful and profitable night of their year? Check out these tips for best places to grab some grub and refuel while you ferry purgers across their hellscape.
Waffle House never closes, and they have such a deep discount for rideshare drivers on Purge Night that they practically pay you to order a pecan waffle with smothered and covered hash browns. They’ll keep the coffee flowing till you’re ready to hit the road again. And don’t worry if anyone does try to pull anything – every employee has dealt with way worse than anything that’s every happened during the Purge. You’re in good hands here.
The KFC on 5th and Springer
This is the only KFC that never retired the Double Down, so you know it’s a place you can trust. The giant bucket display was knocked down a few purges ago, and now it sits in the parking lot. You can order through the drive through and park between the bucket and the adjacent fence and be completely out of site to refuel with your own bucket of the Colonel’s finest.
The store is super busy the day leading up to the Purge, but once it’s started? The place is a ghost town. Pop inside to pass the time with the employees who, more often than not, will take you to their employee lounge and share their snacks and mini fridge with you.
The Lonesome Gulch
If you know you know.
Almost as vigilant as Waffle House, most 7-Elevens have specials specifically for rideshare drivers the night of the Purge and won’t close for anything. We recommend Special #4 (a package of Trolli Sour Brite Crawlers, 2 hot dogs off the roller grill, cool ranch Doritos, and a Big Gulp) or Special #9 (a share size pack of peanut M&Ms, a Big Bomb microwave burrito, sunflower seeds, and a large cherry Slurpee). While it may be tempting to spring for a Mega Gulp, remember that you’ll need to use the restroom eventually. When you do, make sure to circle back to one of these recommended locations, or else risk becoming another commode-bound statistic.