EXCLUSIVE: We’ve Obtained the Leaked Script of Elon Musk’s SNL Episode

With great dexterity and aplomb, the Eritas Daily writing staff has obtained an advanced copy of the script for the upcoming SNL episode hosted by Elon Musk with musical guest Miley Cyrus premiering Saturday, May 8th. As you might expect, this is a highly sought-after piece of journalism, so we will handle this as professionally as we possibly can. However, we would be remiss of our duties if we did not say how much we love Elon Musk and everything he stands for. He is truly a pinnacle of humanity and we should all laugh with him, rather than at him or even about him.

So, without further adieu, the leaked script:

Cold Open

We open on a wide shot of the Red Planet, Mars before cutting down to the surface where we see Elon Musk and Kyle Mooney in space suits with the SpaceX logo sewn on.

Musk: “Boy, this beats being trapped in Grimes’ nightmare chamber, I’ll tell you that much. The Red dirt feels great between my toes!”

Mooney: “But Elon, you’re supposed to be wearing your specially made Mars Shoes patent-pending.”

Pause for laugh.

Musk: “But Worker 69420, how would I get to feel the glorious sand beneath me and understand what Leto Atreides must have felt? For this is my Fiefdom and you are my Builders.”

Mooney: “I’m just here because you offer health insurance.”

Musk: “Ha, good one 6-9. You should read your contract more closely. Oh no, look at the time!”

Both, in unison: “Live from Mars, it’s Saturday Night Live!”

Credits roll. Only, this time, they have more the vibe of the American Horror Story intro than the normal theme.

Monologue

Let the freak wing it.” – Note directly from Lorne.

Skit 1 – New Ink

This time we enter on Elon Musk and Grimes’ Austin, TX home in the hills, complete with large statue of them holding X Æ A-12 to the sky.

In this scene, Grimes is played by Pete Davidson.

Davidson: “But Elon, you told me you wouldn’t go to Mars again so soon. Our son needs his father.”

Musk: “And my Mars Mistresses need their Daddy.”

Bowen Yang, off-stage: “Jesus Christ, what is this?”

Davidson: “At least we have now. Come here, I want to show you something.”

Grimes/Davidson leads Musk by the hand to a tattoo artist standing just off screen played by Kate McKinnon.

Musk: “What is all this?”

Davidson: “It’s time for you to match me! I know you love my white ink alien back tattoo, so I thought I would have Xyx here do the same for you. That way, when the aliens come, they’ll know we’re on their side.”

McKinnon: “Yeah exactly. Also, it is a pleasure to meet you, sir. You’re an inspiration to me. One day, I’m going to sell my Corrola and get a Model X.”

Musk: “Yeah you and everyone else.” Turning to Grimes. “I’m sorry, we’re doing what? I’m getting a tattoo? Babe, I’m not going to get a tattoo and if I do, it’s going to be something epic. I’m sorry, but I’m not apologizing.”

Grimes: “Fine. Just do whatever you want, like always. But I’ve already paid Xyx for the full hour, so might as well get something.”

Musk: “OK. I’ve got it.”

We cut to a shot of Musk’s back where he has received a very real tattoo of the Iron Giant fighting Godzilla in full color.

Musk: “Worth it for the memes.”

Cut to commercial.

Musical Act 1


Miley and Nine Inch Nails perform a version of ‘Closer’ with surprise guest Grimes.

Stage note: Raining blood must look real. Use Evil Dead (2013) for reference.

Skit 2 – Celebrity Jeopardy! with Ken Jennings

In this scene, Will Ferrell plays Alex Trebek.

No script needed. Just let Ken Jennings destroy Musk at a game of actual Jeopardy! for the world to see.

Skit 3 – Boring Company Retreat

This is scene is made up of Melissa Villaseñor, Kenan Thompson, Chris Redd, Aidy Bryant, and Ego Nwodim, with Elon Musk joining part-way through.

The set is a campfire scene with the Boring Company logo on all of the tents, camping equipment, and even the logs in the fire. The group sits around, comparing stories of working at the company.

Villaseñor: “Aw man, I can’t believe we got dragged into doing this.”

Redd: “What are you talking about? You organized this entire weekend.”

Villaseñor: “Oh yeah.”

Pause for laugh.

Bryant: “Did I ever tell you about my first day on the job? I’ll never forget. I wasn’t assigned to anything, I was just given a hammer and a Rubix cube and locked in a room by myself. I was told that when I completed the puzzle, I would be allowed to leave. I tried for hours to solve the Rubix cube before finally, out of frustration, I smashed it with the hammer. Turns out the key was on the inside the whole time and that was the solution.”

Nwodim: “Huh, I actually had to solve the Rubix cube during my onboarding. I didn’t even have the hammer option.”

Thompson: “That’s Musk for you.”

Entering from stage left is Elon Musk in the same uniform as the others, only he is wearing a fake mustache and speaks in an Italian accent.

Italian Musk: “But without him, ze lot of you would not have ‘obs. No?”

Bryant: “I guess you’re right, new co-worker. I just wish I didn’t have to hear about my boss in the news every day, don’t you?”

Italian Musk, slowly breaking character: “There’s no such thing as bad news, they say!”

Thompson: “C’mon man, we know it’s you. Why even have us go on this retreat if we can’t be honest about our work? This is starting to feel like a set-up.”

Italian Musk: “A zet-up? I don’t know ze meaning of ze word. Let me just set down this delicious pizza for my friends while I go to the bathroom again.”

Italian Musk leaves the pizza next to the fire and retreats back to where he came from, leaving the group behind. They slowly approach the pizza and find a recording device hidden in the pizza along with pamphlets titled ‘How a Union Destroys the Worker.”

The group turns to the camera in unison and says, “Eloonnnnin a drawn out manner.

Cut to commercial.

Musical Act 2

Miley and Lil Nas X perform Montero (Call Me By Your Name).

Stage note: A 5 second looping video of the Armie Hammer screenshots must be played behind the performers for the duration. Double check the stripper poles to make sure they are load bearing.

Skit 4 – Exit Interview

In this scene, The Devil is played by Bowen Yang and Elon Musk is playing himself but in full Joker make-up.

We pan away from the 2nd Musical Act that ends in hell and over to a different devil than the one Lil Nas X just killed. Played by Bowen Yang, this devil more of the cartoonish type. He sits behind a desk and across from him is Elon Musk. The set looks like a talk show set in Hell, so think The Eric Andre Show.

Yang: “Hello and welcome back. My guest tonight and the newest resident of Hell is Elon Musk. How are you doing tonight, worm?”

Musk: “Well first of all, I’m an atheist so I’m just thinking of a rational explanation for all this. Grimes honey, did we do one too many drugs again like time with Azealia?”

Yang: “Nope, not this time Lonnie. This is realer than real. So stop messing around and be a good guest, I’ve got some burning questions for you.”

Musk: “I’m sure your audience would like that, and maybe that’s how I get out of here, so I guess I’ll play your game. Shoot. Ask me anything.”

Yang: “Do you regret publicly supporting a coup in Bolivia?”

Musk: “I mean that was a complicated situation, but this is the United States we’re talking about. It might have failed this time but we’ll be back.”

Yang: “Cool, completely leaning into being a villain. A good look for Hell, but this broadcasts everywhere. Next question. How did you earn your wealth?”

Musk: “Through hard work, wanting it more than others. I never let myself rest until I had achieved my goals.”

Yang: “And your parents apartheid South African emerald mine had nothing to do with it?”

Musk: “Yes but that was my parents. You can’t judge me for something they did and that I still benefit from. That’s not fair. You know what, I’m getting tired of this.”

Yang: “Hold your horses. I’ve only got one question left. How many human lives are you willing to sacrifice to get to Mars?”

Musk: “As many as it takes.”

With that, Musk stands up, reveals that he has been carrying a gun this entire time, and shoots what is clearly a Bowen Yang manakin through the head, sending blood all over the studio audience. The room erupts in chaos as everyone flees the scene, with Musk standing there in the middle of it all, laughing.

Cut to commercial.

End show

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