Chopped: The Game Show for True Americans is our God. It started off small with Ted Allen flaring up the ol grill and showing two American refugees what a real meal is all about, but it has now become a religion. When now Head Ancestor Zakarian blesses us daily with his armada of cuisine experts, we must praise ye Chopped.
There are those that rebel against our prophets, but they will soon be sent to the elimination chamber. We will chop them into pieces and serve them in a Desert Round Ice Cream. We will end their puny, pathetic, and Gordon Ramsey loving lives with a fury only contained by the brow of Judge Alex Guarnaschelli. The end has come for the chefs of the world, it’s time for the Cleansing.
Before all that, what was your favorite Chopped mystery basket?
- The Hand, the Wrench, and the Cornbread
- Jelly Beans, Jello Beans, and Every Flavored Bean
- The Classic Ham Sandwich, American Spirit, and Suffering
- Globetrotter Sneaker Gunk, sin cubes, and the slightest bit of cinnamon
- Grandma’s smell, Junie B. Jones #3: Junie B. Jones and Her Big Fat Mouth, and Carrot
- Closet drip, Mountain Dew, and Dorito powder
- Shoe, Beggar’s Sorrow, and Mouth Gleek
- A memory of summer, glass half full, and Egg
- A bruised pear, a bruised peach, and a pristine eggplant
- A lunch of assorted glutens, jams, and jellies
- Gumbo popcorn, river blues, and a fascination at the complexity of spiders
- Howling Coyote, Salmon, and Pasta squares
- Hello Kitty (OG), gross sock, and the green beans
Now that you have selected your tools, the Cleansing will commence. Find shelter and don’t trust anyone, especially the guy who says that he is doing this to prove his parents wrong. He’s the worst.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood. If you are interested in more Chopped-related content, follow him on Twitter @NPEllwood