Coming straight from the International News Center we have this breaking news report. Sources within the Science Tower have reported that we have all been fooled, the Moon is not made of Moon, it’s actually a hot dog. You know? Hot dogs? Like the man yelling at you at your local sports game or when you are walking down Old York’s city center? Yeah, you know.
We here at Eritas Daily have some questions. First of all, is it a cooked hot dog? A nice roasted wiener? Or is it a cold, evil summer sausage? More importantly, what does this mean when it comes to our lovely tides? I love the waves, the way they roll in perpetually, always cleaning up the shore. I love how they bring us our power, how Poseidon has blessed us with Hyrdoelecticity, how the sins of our enemy’s will be quenched by his tide.
But most importantly, why didn’t Neil Armstrong say anything? He was up there. He tasted it. He’s known this entire time! We need to interview him as soon as possible. Thankfully, N.A. recently was seeking employment and we scooped him right up. Let me go grab him from his meditation tube.
Slime: So, Neil, thank you for coming in for your performance review.
Neil: Thank you Messiah, I worship your very toenails. Have I done well in your service?
Slime: It’s not about that Neil, it’s something much more crucial. Far more urgent.
Neil: What could it possibly be, oh great cleanser of souls?
Slime: Please Neil, no time for these pleasantries, this is serious. Call me Slime.
Neil: Slime? Is that you first name?
Slime: No, but call me that. So here is the thing, why didn’t you tell us about this wurst situation. This debacle of the links. We could have made millions but you kept it to yourself.
Neil: Slime, I don’t know what you mean.
Slime: You bastard! I trusted you with Slime. I thought we had something. You are nothing more than a space monkey, only I am fit for space travel.
Neil: Please, everyone knows this. I don’t know what you want from me! I’ll do anything!
Slime: It’s too late for that.
Back to the report: NASA is shutting down out of embarassment and we want to hear your ideas on what that tax-payer money should be spent on instead. Giant water slide? Solve world hunger? Delete Reddit forever? Let us know your ideas by whispering them to the next gecko you stumble across.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood. Follow him for more updates on #HotDogMoonGate on Twitter @NPEllwood