OOPSIES: Week of January 30th, 2017

Here at Eritas Daily, we strive to hold ourselves to a high level of integrity. In the world of journalism, it is increasingly hard to discern between reputable sources and the president’s office. In our efforts to maintain a certain standard of accountability, each week we will make corrections to posts after more information comes to light.

Prior to the writing of Monday’s post on “Woke” POTUS banning white males from the U.S., the author was not aware that he is, in fact, a white male. After a faithful reader drew his attention to this fact, he reconsidered the post, his life, and healthy Internet discourse. He is grateful to the reader.

In Monday’s post on “Woke” POTUS, the author mistakenly and briefly thought activist Shaun King’s last name was White, but Shaun White is the international redheaded phenom and part-time snowboarder. The author does not know how Shaun White feels about topical political issues.

In Monday’s post on “Woke” POTUS, the author mistakenly excluded the Bowling Green Massacre from the list of shootings in America. The author feels stupid, and should quit his high level position within this blog.

There were no inaccuracies in Tuesday’s post on missing persons. All persons are still considered missing.

In Wednesday’s post on POTUS’s love of game-based instructional executive orders, the author inaccurately cited that Trump is a fan of board games. The actual comment was that Trump is a fan of the idea of board games, but has never known where to buy one. The store where he sends his servants to get his hair loss product? Possibly on an end-cap, or at the register? Sources will stay close to the situation as POTUS works to figure out where regular, everyday items are sold.

There were no inaccuracies in Thursday’s post on ghosts. They are real and you are one. Call the ones you love the most, Scoobert.

In Friday’s post on the moon being revealed to be a literal hot dog, the author failed to mention his business interests in Oscar-Meyer, who claim no ties to the moon incident. However, employees at Oscar-Meyer have lately been seen on the roof of their corporate office at exactly 9:34 a.m., heads tilted toward the moon’s position on the other side of Earth, chanting lines of poetry from Neil Armstrong’s One Small Rhyme for the End of Days, O Moon Above, We Praise the Hell You Raise: Lyric Poems and Other Outer Space Notes from the Margins of Time.

The editors at Eritas Daily regret the mistakes, and have made their peace with their various moon gods.

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