This Just In: Ghosts are Real and You are One.


Sorry you had to find out this way. Anyway, let’s get into it.


May 22nd, 2002. That was the day you left your suffer vessel and entered into the realm of spirits. You may not believe me as you read this, you may not even believe me once we lay out our argument, and you may not even fully grasp the truth of your situation until it is too late. The full brunt of what I am about to tell you will most likely not hit you until you are lying in bed, surrounded by your spectral comrades, helping the local Gilmore Girl talk to her dead mother. This is when you will realize.
The key witnesses from your murder tell us that you did not suffer. Martha Hampton, local sushi chef and head of the PTA, claimed that the way your head left your shoulders was like watching Jack Nichols tee off at the Masters: effortless. The ascension of your soul was seen be many and although it is still a hot topic at the local Dine ‘N Scoop, some even claim to have felt the wind change as you passed through them.
“I swear to Zorp that his spirit entered me for a few seconds as he made his way onto that stretching plateau, the one we all see in our dreams but never speak of,” relayed Chet Stampson, former athlete and current Deputy at the Gravy Hills Policy Department. “I had grown close with him over the last few years and I know what it feels like for him to be inside of me.”
We asked Chet to expand on his relationship with the now deceased man, but he said that he had to go investigate a new crop of Devil Weed that the kids had planted behind his shed. Not everyone was as convinced as the deputy and some even attacked him in the interviews we conducted.
Stacy Chang, angry citizen and mother of four, reported, “Chet is full of it. There are no such things as ghosts or spirits or the Highway of Souls that everyone keeps talking about. When his head left his body, he became dirt just like the rest of us will.”
This is where Stacy is wrong. You did not become dirt like your forefathers did. You became something else, something new. No one else in the town could explain to us why the death of a man that none of them ever remember speaking with, other than Chet, could be so significant. “I think it’s because of the Highway,” answered five year old druid Daisy Chang while staring off into space, “Overseer Musk needed a new apprentice and it was his time. It’s as simple as that.”
As simple as that, huh? We here at Eritas don’t believe anything is simple and we certainly wouldn’t call an unscheduled beheading followed by the largest ghoul immigration in recorded history “simple.”
So now that you know more about what you are, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to sit by while we all fear closing our eyes, as we enter the battle again every night when our heads hit the pillow? Will you fight the Overseer or will you take up your father’s halberd and destroy this so-called Shadow King once and for all? It’s all up to you, so don’t mess it up, Scoobert.


This article was written by Nathan Ellwood who is also a ghost. Follow him on Twitter @NPEllwood

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