Suh my dudes and ladies, welcome back. Today we are going to be discussing, and ranking, the top ten vape flavors currently on the market. Don’t worry if you aren’t a vape pro like us, even beginners can enjoy these sweet mouth sensations and be a privy to the secrets of the #vapelyfe team.
- Tweed Suit Jacket: Coming in at number ten we have a true staple of the vape flavor game personal favorite of mine. Nothing soothes the gums like the sweet taste of tweed. Now this isn’t just any tweed, this is the tweed of your father’s smoking jacket. First debuted by Pontiac in 1997, nothing is more iconic than a TSJ plume.
- Strip Club at 3pm: Every vape enthusiast already knows this smell after accidentally showing up way too early to a strip club and having to either sit around for hours before seeing any action or leaving and making the conscious decision to visit a strip club twice in the same day. However, Chrysler really pulled out all the stops with this juice. Not only does it capture the essence of disappointment, but they finally perfected the carpeted floor stench that was previously untapped. Debuted in 2007, this flavor is one of the most unique, and that’s what makes it number 9.
- Burnt Latte You Are Still Politely Sipping and Not Returning: One of the very first flavors on the game was Coffee, followed by Mocha, Capuccino, and a myriad of others, so this flavor is not high up in the originality category. However, there had previously never been a juice that truly understood what it meant to politely sip a sub-par latte. Taking pieces from other flavors like Cousin’s Community College Graduation and Visit to a Graveyard, Toyota brought Japanese ingenuity to the next level. Making its first appearance in the marketplace back in 2002, this blend will make you wish you had taken that course on self-confidence offered the previous fall semester.
- Best Friend from Childhood’s Guest Bath: It’s almost eerie how Telsa was able to bring back such vivid memories from the past in such a bold vapor. While this scent was only recently debuted, it’s truly one for the ages. I guess it just confirms what Telsa’s motto states: We are Here to Take Your Blood.
- First Open Casket Funeral: There is hardly any scent to this one, as there was on that fateful day, but true aficionados of vape flavors will tell you that is what makes it a contender in this list and powerhouse in the South. Originally composed in 2013, this plume of doom got us through the brief, but strenuous time, that was Shane Dawson’s star status. Thanks again for that, Buick.
- Listening to Animal Collective: It is hard to explain the scent of this particular vape flavor unless you already know what I am talking about. There is a certain feeling that comes with listening to Animal Collective, and along with that a certain smell that can only be described as indescribable. Load up your vape and hit play on “My Girls” to really get your money’s worth. Brought to you in part by VW.
- Lavender Body Soap: Some people ask, “why make a flavor that is specifically lavender body soap and not just straight up lavender?” Those people are fools. You have never truly understood how good lavender smells until you are cuddling with your significant other after a bath and you smell the hint of lavender on their skin. You want to stay in that moment forever, holding them tight and forgetting that the rest of the world exists. You want to live in that infinity with them. At least, that’s what the makers over at Nissan were going for, the actually smell is closer to a gas station bathroom.
- Art Museum Under Construction: The bold folks over at Ford have done it again with this incredibly dank smog. Mixing together the feeling of being incredibly small in an ever expanding universe with the experience of riding a rollercoaster, this vape will knock you over. Be careful when you toke up on this bad boy, for the side effects can range from drippy nose all the way to inverted spleen. But you know what they say, no pain, no good vape hit.
- Finishing a Good Book: For our penultimate flav we are pulling out all of the stops. This bad boy fills you with an immense sense of relief and accomplishment, followed by the dread that you will never experience a high like this ever again. Make sure to avoid doubling up and never finish a good book in the same 24 hours as vaping this sweet mist, otherwise you might never recover. Stop by your local BMW dealer or ask the Head Druid of your local Barnes and Noble in order to obtain this highly exclusive smack.
- Dogs Wearing Bandanas: I am pretty sure this flavor speaks for itself. Thanks Chrysler!
And so completes our list. Don’t sue us if any of these flavors cause you physical pain or emotional distress, these are simply recommendations. Also, we don’t even vape, so good luck, nerds.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who single-handedly did the graphic design for every single vape shop you have ever seen. Follow him for more of the same on Twitter @NPEllwood