(Washington D.C.) After a public mishap in which former Press Secretary Sean Spicer stated that “not even Hitler sank to using chemical weapons on his people,” President Trump has fired Spicer and filled his position with none other than a Welsh Pembroke Corgi. Not to take credit for this falling out between Spicey and his President, but we did host a Roast of Sean Spicer yesterday here on our website. It’s amazing how quickly Washington moves after a good roast. Early reports claim that the Corgi is named Pepper and she not only handles press secretary duties with aplomb, but is also incredibly cute.
One of the most beloved breeds in the canine world, corgis are most known for their friendly personalities, fluffy butts, and—apparently—strategic communication skills. Trump put out an official statement saying, “The plan that I had, which was a great plan and loved by everybody, was simply to have a corgi as a furry friend around the White House to fill my deep-seated desire to be like the Queen of England, but then I realized Pepper is the perfect candidate to take Spicer’s place!” Despite demands from critics that only a human can fill the position of White House Press Secretary, Trump holds to the defense that “dogs are people, too.”
Various White House staff members admit that while they had reservations about Pepper at first, they all feel the new member of the team is fitting in quite well. “She’s a natural behind the cameras!” exclaimed Vice President Mike Pence as he trotted off to morning yoga for non-moths. “She even makes ME seem like a good person!”
Steve Bannon reported that he can finally understand the words coming out of the new Press Secretary’s mouth. “I never understood a word Spicer said, but as someone who was raised by Corgi’s, I can finally understand every bark! Of course, I still can’t completely understand anyone else a-woof-me.” Bannon attends classes every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to improve his English.
When asked to comment on her newfound role in government and public relations, Pepper stated “Woof woof, bark bark, woof, growl, bark!” While the public is still generally skeptical of Trump’s latest political antics, Pepper is slowly winning folks over with her daily Insta-selfies and personal YouTube channel of cute corgi videos.
This article was written by Lauren Ward-Reed, who would be a corgi if given the opportunity. Follow her for more on Twitter @LaurenWardReed
[…] our new and far more talented writer Lauren wrote a hard-hitting piece on the idea of a corgi named Pepper taking Sean Spicer’s place, it appears this report was false. Pepper has since denied this report, asking we not blot her […]