In a move that is sure to turn heads on Mount Rushmore, the White House is set to be uprooted from D.C. and plopped down in Mar-a-Lago.
After Representative Maxine Waters uncovered an obscure rule from George Washington’s diary, stating that wherever the President spends the most time determines the placement of the White House, Democrats and Republicans agreed that they couldn’t argue with GW’s diary and called one of those obnoxious Oversize Load trucks to move the house immediately.
Although the move has received almost extinct bipartisan support, one person is protesting the decision: President Trump himself.
“You got me here working these long hours,” he complained, “and sometimes a guy just wants to get away and golf. So what? That’s not a crime.” After reporters pointed out that President Trump did suggest golf was a crime when former President Barack Obama did it, Trump clarified that it is not a crime for a white man to golf. “You’ll have to check Lincoln’s diary for that one, because what most people don’t know, I notice, is that he was a Republican.”
Several pundits wonder whether moving the White House to Mar-a-Lago will influence Trump to work any more hours than he does now. An inside source revealed that “when you take a day’s hours and subtract the amount of time he spends watching Fox & Friends, then add back the time he would have spent watching Bill O’Reilly, subtract more for tweeting time, I’d say he gets in about 30 solid minutes of work a day.”
Only time will tell if President Trump enjoys working from home, so-to-speak, but a private investigator purchased his internet history under the new Republican ruling and found long lists of internet searches for “places like mar a lago,” “where in florida is safe,” and “most xpinsive [sic] vacation spots to call home.”
This article was written by Ben Taylor, who you may know by his alter ego, Florida Man. Follow him for more on Twitter @therealbenshady