Welcome to Eritas Daily’s newest segment: How to Pick Your Forever Home. In this first edition, we will be exploring the age old question, Cave or Cove? Ever since the Dinosaurs there has been heated debate over the pros and cons of caves and coves for raising a family, needing a home office, or just looking for a summer vacation spot. Today, we are going to explore all of the different factors and variables we have examined and figure out once and for all which is better, Caves or Coves.

 

Before we begin, let’s first review the definitions of the terms that we will be discussing.

 

Cave: a hollow place in the ground, specifically a natural underground space large enough for a human to enter.

 

Cove: a small type of bay or coastal inlet. Coves usually have narrow, restricted entrances, are often circular or oval, and are often situated within a larger bay.

 

Grotto: a natural or artificial cave used by humans in both modern times and antiquity, and historically or prehistorically. They also are often small caves near water that are usually flooded or liable to flood at high tide.

 

You may be wondering, why bring up Grottos. I bring up Grottos as a sort of PSA for all of you home buyers out there. Never buy a Grotto. I don’t mean to be stereotypical here, but almost all Grottos that you will find today were originally made by Phantom Wraiths, who are notorious for their shoddy craftsmanship and penchant for shortcuts.

 

Do not buy a Grotto. Trust me on this.

 

Now, back to the discussion at hand, Caves vs. Coves. Let’s begin with the crowd favorite, Caves. As we laid out before, caves must be large enough for a human to enter. This is the ideal starting place for a home, being able to enter it, but caves are so much more than a secret crawlspace. Certain caves are so large we haven’t even mapped them. Imagine that. You could just keep discovering more and more Home every time you took a spelunk.

 

Ok folks, stay with me. We all know that Coves mostly are just for hipsters gentrifying another category of home, but let’s not forget their benefits. Coves give you easy access to water and can often be perfect for the more musical of us, as they are prone to great acoustics. Coves can also be the best place to raise children. Since most Coves are home to numerous ghouls and grems, you can give your kids real life, hands-on training and education on the horrors of existence.

 

While there is some level of personal preference to be considered, there is a definite answer to this question. We have done research and interview countless people, we have explore our fair share of Caves and Coves, and we have read the manuscripts and scrolls known only to scholars as The Shadow Runes. It is our duty as journalists to give you an unbiased, middle of the road, logical and objectively correct answer based on evidence and research.

 

There was definitely a lot to be said for both Caves and Coves. Caves have that soft layer of grime that really ties a living room together, while Coves are the only place any of us have ever really been able to call home. All that said, we have decided on what will be the winner of this contest and our fully backed recommendation for your forever home.

 

Caves. Caves is our winner. You just can’t beat a classic like that. Not yet.

 

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who is stuck in a 30-year fixed-rate mortgage for a Grotto he bought in the 90s, which is the number one contributing factor to why he gets stomach ulcers. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.