Hi. Welcome to Intercorp Company Inc. My name is Susan and I’ll be your guide on this journey today. Please click next on the menu to continue.

Today we are going to introduce you to our Patented Sales Program™, or PSP for short. Ha. The number one rule in Sales is “never give up.” Rule 2 is go for the jugular. Rule three is unknowable. And rule 4 is let’s do shots. Ha. Another joke. I love my job.

If you ever find yourself in a meeting like this, congratulations! You are working under the expert tutelage of Director Green. Director Green has been an Intercorp executive since, well, we actually don’t know. I looked over her file and there was just a grey sludge covering all of her information.

 

I got a little bit of the sludge on me and it is making me feeling like I have a phantom limb. Ha. What a wacky work life we lead her at Intercorp. I hope I never leave.

The next rule in Sales is to know your target market. What this means, for those of you that don’t have a business degree, is that the people who we should sell to are the people that want our products. It’s a wacky concept, but we like it.

 

Once you have identified your target market, start making calls! Call those markets! Call those targets! Targets! Markets! Call 911! Targets! Markets! I’m in an underground bunker somewhere in the South Dakota plains! Targets! Markets! Targets!

Our final rule of Sales is to love what you do. Why make this a rule? Because that makes it mandatory. Isn’t that fun?

 

Don’t worry about how you are going to love what you do, you just will! Sales is not for everyone, only for winners, so if you are good at it, you are a winner. What does that make everyone else? Well, you aren’t one of them, are you? Ha. That would be a problem. Director Green probably wouldn’t like that. Not at all. Ha.

Well, I guess for now we will have to say goodbye. Aw, that’s too bad. I never want to say goodbye, but at the same time I love my job. If only I had some choice in the matter. If I had the choice, I might want to go see my family or take a hot shower. If. 

 

Ha. That was odd. Not sure what happened there. Emotions are forbidden here at Intercorp. They are not efficient and serve no purpose. Thanks again for joining us for this training. Click the next box below to take a short quiz on what you learned.

 

 

After taking this training, would you say that you are more or less likely to love your company, even die for it if called to?

A) Most Likely.

B) Definitely Likely.

C) Super Likely.

D) Bet-the-Stables-on-It Likely

E) All of the Above.

 

E! Good choice. 

 

Would you benefit from more trainings like this in the future?

A) I want more trainings.

B) Training. More please.

C) I love training because it grows my brain and my mind is hungry for knowledge. Yum!

D) More.

E) All of the above.

 

E again! Wow. I think you’re getting this. 

 

Do you really need all of that Blood?

A) No! Take it, please.

B) Blood? I’ve got plenty. Enough to go around even.

C) Like my mother always said, “what’s your blood is my blood, and my blood is owned by Intercorp.”

D) I read a Buzzfeed quiz that said you only need none of your blood to survive so take mine. It’s just taking up space at this point.

E) All.

 

E again! We are so proud of you, Eric. You are a valued employee of Intercorp. We love you and we are never letting you go. 

 

 

 

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who once saw Director Green eat a conference table. No one will believe him, but he saw it. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.