Woman Not in Close Enough Proximity to Answer Question Overheard from Office Kitchen


(Cincinnati, OH) It was Monday morning and the topic of conversation around the office was all about the weekend. Dwayne had gone to St. Louis to see his brother. Gwen had binge-watched the new Netflix show, Ghoul Town Circus. Glimper forgot to stop working and was disappointed to realize they had missed their weekend. It was just as Shireen was sitting down at her desk that she overheard someone talking from the kitchen. “Hey Gary, how was your weekend?”


“Oh it was fine. I accidentally paid my water bill twice and I was visited in a dream by the Egyptian God of wisdom. I’ve been trying to remember all morning what his name was, but I can’t seem to remember,” replied Gary to an interested Stu.


“Was that Anubis?”


Shireen could just barely hear the conversation, but she wanted so badly to butt in and say, “Actually, it was Thoth, the Egyptian god of wisdom,” only she was just out of proximity to offer her answer to their question. Instead, Shireen had to listen to Gary go on for five minutes trying to remember what the god had told him in his dream.


“He told me that I was going to lead a new nation that would rise from the mud. That I would be responsible for the end of an era, but also the catalyst for a new beginning,” Gary droned on and on. “I’m thinking his name was Amun, but that doesn’t sound right.”


“Do you think it might have been Tefnut?” Stu interjected. That complete buffoon.


“No, no, but that sounds close. I think it might have started with an S.”




“Come on Stu, serious responses only. Everyone knows Selket is the god of scorpions.”


All Shireen could do was bite her tongue. She knew that Selket was the god of scorpions. She knew that Nut, the goddess of sky and stars, was married to Geb, the god of the earth. She also knew that they were going down the wrong path and that his name was Thoth. Unfortunately, they wouldn’t leave the kitchen and walk past her workspace, allowing her to give them the answer they were looking for.


Only 60 seconds had passed, but for Shireen it felt like a lifetime.


“Let me look it up online,” Stu offered.


“Sure. I could have sworn it started with an S or a T or something.”


“Oh here we go!” exclaimed Stu. “Mafdet, god of justice. That’s what came up when I search god of wisdom.”


“Mafdet. Yeah, that sounds right. I think that’s it.”


With that, Stu and Gary left the office kitchen with their coffees refilled and their minds full of lies. However, they left through the alternate exit and didn’t pass by Shireen’s desk.


Without a safe outlet in the office to rant to, Shireen took to her Tumblr and wrote the following post.


Oooooooommmmmmmmggggggg the guy’s at my office are so dumb. Obviosuly the god of wisdom is Thoth, not Mafdet. Yes, Mafdet is in charge of justice and executions, so she had to have wisdom in order to do her job, but she is not the god of wisdom. Thoth is notorious for his innate ability to know right from wrong and good from bad. God I wish people in this office took me seriously. I know this is only my third year at the company, but I thought by now my immense knowledge of Egyptian deities would have come up.


Little is known if Stu or Gary every learned the truth about Thoth and Mafdet since the company they told us they worked for does not appear in any history book or on any website. It seems as though none of this ever happened, at least on paper. And in business, paper is everything.




This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who knows that Gary was actually visited by Seshat, not Thoth. Follow him for more Egyptian gods etc. on Twitter @NPEllwood.


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