Are you a Good Boy? Do you deserve a sweet treat? Well, we will be the judge of that.

The first standard by which we will measure if you are a Good Boy or not is if you have a good blep. A good blep is a key component in the Good Boy make-up and no one should ever claim to be a Good Boy without one. The factors by which a blep will be measured as good or not depends on a few different factors. These factors are however, a Secret of the Angels and cannot be disclosed to non-angel beings.

The second area of parameters we are looking for Good Boys to meet is something that we back here at HQ refer to as the “Pats Qualifier.” A Good Boy must have a certain level of love for pats on the head, tum, and bum. All Good Boys are put to the test and only those who really love pats are selected to move forward.

The third thing we look for in a Good Boy is personality. This can be difficult, because too much personality can be a bad thing, but so can too little. However, most that make it to this portion of the contest have a Good Boy personality already, so it’s not terribly important.

The fourth Good Boy trait we want is, and yes, we are making it a thing, Fetch. Good Boys throughout history have been trained in the ancient art of Fetch. Dating back to Babylonians in the Lizard age, Good Boys have been chasing down and retrieving objects thrown by the Best Friend. Good Boys and Best Friends are the reason that we are all here today. Their bond is what holds the world together.

The final way we will make sure you are worthy of a Sweet Treat and Good Boy status is your Cuddle Bonus. Good Boys are known for their high penchant for cuddling and being exceptional at it. The Cuddle Bonus will be added to the potential Good Boy’s overall score and then we will be able to know for sure if you truly deserve a Sweet Treat.

Wow! Looks like everyone is a Good Boy deserving of a Sweet Treat. Way to go!

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who doggo doggo pupper heck am I Twitter famous yet? Follow him @NPEllwood for more.