To Whom It May Concern (Linda),
You know that “creepy, decrepit” old house at the end of your street? How did you so kindly refer to it at last week’s Junior League meeting – “The Scooby-Doo looking wooden lawsuit in the making” that you “could swear had open curtains just yesterday?”
Well, you were right. The curtains were open yesterday. Seems that the inhabitant (me) decided to close them because SOMEBODY (looking at you, Linda Peabody) was being such a BUSYBODY.
Even those of us who are no longer tied to our cumbersome corporeal bodies are entitled to some privacy. Not that it matters to the likes of you, Linda.
Where do you get off anyway, being so rude about my home? Yeah, it’s a bit old. And yeah, a few of the windows have some cobwebs in them. And yeah, it looks like it’s falling to pieces. You want to know why my beautiful home looks like it’s falling to pieces, Linda? It looks like it’s falling to pieces because it is. Do you know how easy it is to do minor home renovations, much less massive, HGTV-style ones when you don’t have the ability to pick up something as simple as a hammer?! Huh? Linda? Not easy.
Though if the rumors I’ve been privy to are correct, you would know a little something about not being able to do simple pick-ups. I mean, come on. How did you expect to keep your sad little attempt at flirting with Carol’s husband a secret?
Oh, whoops, was I not supposed to put that in print? Next time you decide to get wrapped up in your pretentious, self-righteous, sanctimonious little world, leave me and my home out of it.
This article was written by Maggie Sue McAlister, who although still exists within her corporeal form, has many attributes that could be describe as ‘ghost-like.’ And that’s why we love her. Follow her for more on Twitter @MadMaggs21.