(Dallas, TX) Becky Silverstein is just an average girl. She went to a liberal arts college and now works for an advertising agency as a Young Creative. Although she doesn’t make too much money, she spends her extra cash on traveling all around the world. Becky has been to Spain, Portugal, Brazil, Peru, Venezuela, and Chile. Although she loves each of these different cultures, she has never taken the time to learn the language. But don’t worry! She is literally just about to.

According to DuoLingo, Becky is already 25% fluent in Spanish, but that really seems too generous. Maybe 2,5%. I mean, you could ask this girl where the discoteca is and she would probably direct you to a police station. Like, how do you not even pick up discoteca when you are traveling through Spanish speaking countries or watching any sitcom from the 90s?

Becky took Spanish in high school like all good Christians and doesn’t remember any of it. She was really into knitting back then and she used her time in Spanish to knit. She might not know the difference between tu and usted, but she can make a mean sweater.

Still, with all of her dedication and time spent trying to order tacos in Barcelona, Becky just didn’t understand the basics of Spanish, but she was just about to buckle down and figure out this whole language thing. Really. She means it this time.

She had tried Rosetta Stone and Spanish for Dummies. She had tried Duolingo and the Shadow of a Mage, but nothing had worked. How was she going to ever learn Spanish when she was perpetually about to learn it? Maybe this was one of those time quake things that Vonnegut was always rambling about. In ten years she will snap out of it and just start speaking fluent espanol.

But until then, arrivederci.

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who once had a Spanish teacher who had “Obama is a socialist” as a test question solution. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.