(Nashville, TN) The vibe at 2203 Kerbsmasch Avenue had always been pretty mellow. John, Jorn, and Björn had been living together for about six months and so far everything had been ordering pizza and Bojack marathons. It wasn’t until yesterday, September 28th, that everything changed when a complete savage animal idiot named Jorn decided to set his drink just next to the coaster like he had been raised by wolves or something.
The scene: a normal Thursday night at what the members of the house had begun referring to as “Orcsbane Alley.” Some nerd something or other, idk. They had just finished dinner and John was in the kitchen washing the dishes. Jorn and Bjorn were trying to find something to watch on Netflix when the fateful action took place.
“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,” relayed Björn after the events. “This was someone I had lived with for over half a year and yet I felt like I didn’t even know him at all.”
“Jorn took a huge hit in my book when he did that,” John told us. “Not only did he disrespect Orcsbane Alley by placing his glass on the table like that, but he disrespected by coffee table that my stepmom gave us as a gift and I am will not stand for that.”
However, it wasn’t just that he had set the glass on the table next to the coaster accidentally. This happens to all of us from time to time. No, Jorn let the glass sit there and start to sweat onto that wooden coffee table like a priest at a horse show.
“This was when I knew we were living with a complete psychopath,” exclaimed Björn. “I just had to leave the house.”
“I was over in the kitchen washing dishes when I heard the door slam and saw Björn take off running down the street. I’ve never seen him move like that.” John explained. “I went over and had a chat with Jorn about mutual respect and by the end of it I think we all grew a little bit. Actually I’m not sure about Björn. He might never be the same.”
“Honestly I don’t see what the big deal is,” said Jorn, defending himself. “I mean, it’s not like I didn’t change the lint catcher in the laundry. You would have to be a complete savage to do something like that.”
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who is ready to rumble. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.