Over the past several months the Eritas Daily reporting team has been following a strange trend in the world of Toll Booth Workers. From the time we began studying them this past march to present there has been a significant drop in Toll Booth Worker numbers, leading us to ask two questions: Where have the Toll Booth Workers gone? And, what are they planning to do next?
According to some books we found at the library, the last known Toll Booth Worker disappearance was in 1977 when a rogue group of Toll Booth Workers left their stations and wandered into the landscape. Lead by charismatic leader and up-and-coming communist Billy Thorton, the rogue group known to most as “The Moongreed Clan” harnessed their souls into one giant mega-soul before they all collapsed and went into a coma. Most of the former Moongreed Clan are still under whatever spell was cast upon them. Could this mass exodus be the beginning of something similar? Or, an even scarier thought, something far worse?
As journalists, it is our job to speculate wildly, and so that is what we must do. Sorry, I don’t make up the journalism rules.
It’s obvious that this recent disappearance is an attempt to revamp and revitalize the once great Moongreed Clan of old. Who would want to bring back such a cult-like community of Toll Booth Workers is beyond me. But, according to local fable, a prophecy was foretold of a second coming of the Moongreed Clan. Something that has the whole town on edge.
In our expert opinion, this is all 100% right and true. We have noticed an uptick in recent Toll Booth Worker migrations that leads us to believe that a new charismatic leader has arisen to bring back the Moongreed Clan in greater numbers than ever before seen. If this should come to pass, you need to make sure that you have everything you need to fight off a pack of Moongreed Toll Booth Workers aka MTBWs.
MTBWs are capable of just about anything and will more than likely steal your wallet. They often really like Reggae music and might try to get you into it even if you aren’t really feeling it. They are notorious for their smell, which is of lilac soap. Although this sounds like an appealing scent, they always smell like the put on way too much and it really gets old as a smell very fast.
In order to protect yourselves against them, here is a quick shopping list for some things you’ll need.
- Gloves of No Fingers (fingerless gloves, for stealth)
- Sightglass of Greater Viewing (binoculars, for spying)
- Cord of Binding (wallet chain, for wallet protection)
- Bane of Lilac Soap (any kind of jeweled necklace that’s been blessed by a Rabbi, for the smell)
- Tunic of the Patron Saint (Bob Marley shirt, might as well just go with it)
Only after you buy these items from your local grocer or superplex will you be able to feel safe in the warm belly of your home. Get to the store before they are sold out and it is too late. Goooooooo!
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who has been playing a lot of Skyrim lately and feels like it is evident in this article. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.