Ever wanted to know what your favorite terrible movie has to say about yourself as a human being*? Well, now you can!
*this list is not limited to humans. can be completed by gremlins, ghouls, and ghasts.
The Blair Witch Project 2: Book of Shadows (2000) – If people would just LET YOU BE, you could be stellar. But people won’t just let you be, so instead of showing everyone the director’s cut of you, you have to show the theatrical version. And it’s a dadgum shame.
Spoiler: There’s No Book of Shadows Involved
Flash Gordon (1980) – Nobody really understands what in the Sam Hill you are. Like, are you for real? Or are you just trying to make all of us laugh? Regardless, you’re super flashy and feature a bangin’ soundtrack. My dad thinks you’re rad. Congrats!
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) – Most people just like you for your hot friend who may or may not be an Amazon. Maybe consider working on your personality a little bit? You’ve got all of the material available necessary to do well – utilize it!
At least we finally saw Wonder Woman on screen
The Room (2003) – You’re the one friend who sees past everyone’s flaws and is always prepared (usually with spoons, footballs, or alcohol). Got a best friend name Mark? Beware.
Troll 2 (1990) – In the infamous words of Drake Floyd/Claudio Fragasso, “you don’t understand nothing.” (I mean, except for the most inefficient and unsanitary way to pop popcorn.)
Road House (1989) – If we’re being totally honest, I’ve never seen you, so I really don’t know if you can be categorized as a Terrible Movie™. But hey, the Andy Dwyer type gets really, super hyped up by you, so like, you must be doing something right?
That’s subtext he doesn’t say that
This article was formed by Maggie Sue McCalister in the forges of Nilbog. Follow her for more on Twitter @MadMaggs21.