Has this ever happened to you?
You’re using Snapchat, you know, as we millennials do, and you go to add face filter and what’s this? Snapchat can’t find your face?
Well, it turns out that you might be an android. I know, whaaat?
A recent study has found that the reason Snapchat filters won’t pick up your face isn’t because the app isn’t working. In fact, it is much more likely that you are a cybernetic human that has been programmed to believe you are a human.
Well, that is, unless you’re one of those woke androids with your third eye open. Then you already knew that you were a robot and are still finding ways to come to grips with that. Don’t worry friend, we’re with you.
As for those of you who are now doubting everything about your existence, welcome to the party.
Over the next few weeks you may have the obligation to cut open your own skin to see if you are in fact an android. How very Ex Machina of you. We are here to tell you that this is completely normal behavior. Normal does not always mean good.
You might wrestle with existential dread for a few months, but again this is just part of life. Whether it’s because you don’t show up in Snapchat filters or can’t remember what feelings are, it doesn’t matter. Everyone has existential dread, you’re not special.
So go out there and doubt your own existence! It’s all you can do, after all.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who knew he was an android the day he was turned on. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.