(Frisco, TX) There is a trend that is sweeping the nation, but sweeping quietly, like a ghoul in the night. The United States, Sweden, and World Government have been working together to keep this meme a secret, but we don’t work for them. We work for the people. But we did want you to know that we are going to considerable lengths to bring you this information. There is a trend known only as “IKEA dwelling” and it’s gonna blow your mind.
Actually, it’s not really that interesting. It’s just weird teenagers playing hide and seek in IKEAs across the country. That’s not really the interesting part, but now that we have you here, we do actually need to talk about something involving the Swedish, World, and United States governments.
Ice cream is just cold milk. Like, what? If you walked up to me on the street and told me that cold milk was good, like frozen milk we are talking about here, I would say “Get out of here, Interloper!” as is the custom. But then ice cream is like super good, but it’s just like cold flavored milk. I hate it.
You might be thinking, “Dude, have you never heard of the different states of matter?” Uh, duh. I know all about gases, liquids, solids, void, all that good stuff. It’s just that milk is really only good for fighting burn wounds, not a top 5 treat if you ask me.
Sorry, what were we talking about? The Void? Sweden? I don’t even remember. All I have to say is if I find you lurking around an IKEA I am going to not only dwell there, I’m gonna haunt that place until forever baby. Can you imagine IKEA malls in like 200 years? People will think we used to worship meatballs, which, now that I’m thinking about it, we actually do.
Stay outta IKEA you millennials. That’s the point I’m trying to make.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who loves IKEA, but only for the lamps. Follow him for more lamp reviews on Twitter @NPEllwood.