Hey girls, it’s me, Tania. I am just calling in the communal group chat message to let you all know that I am not going to make it out for drinks tonight. No, I am going to be at home bettering myself as a person by watching Lynda.com educational videos. I am going to be ‘binge-watching’ them, as you might say. Oh my, listen to me, sounding like a commoner. But yes, that does accurately describe what I am about to do tonight and it’s gonna be, to borrow another commoner term, lit.

There. That’s done. It is now time for me to login for the evening. What should we talk about first? Oh, yes. Did you see D’arcy and her new hair cut? I had to hide my envy. She was so beautiful in that silk dress this afternoon at Cocktails it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I spoke with her briefly as we both went to admire the sculpture and her words fell on me like tree flowers upon a bloom.

I would also like to address that Patrick has been late to the last three Progress Meetings and I am starting to think there is something going on with him. I know he might not talk about, I mean heck, he might not even know about it, but I can sense when something is up. All I am saying is we should keep an eye out for any irregular activity. We wouldn’t want another Ava situation on our hands.

Now, back to the news at hand. I have never had such a flirtation with a close friend like D’arcy. Although we spoke briefly, I felt a spark. A rush of heat. There was something there. I need to pursue this. I need follow that spark. More on this soon.

Finally, the fashions. This week the fashions are as follows.

• Carmelo Anthony
• New swimsuit
• Healing potion
• Kraft Mac and Cheese
• The act of donning a cape
• Sour Skittles
• Cucumber Vodka
• Voting

And those were the fashions. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some Lynda.com educational videos to get to.

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who forgot to mention that flesh is a prison. Tweet along with Nathan at the hashtag #fleshisaprison or his handle @NPEllwood.